Thursday, April 1, 2010

"Sew Much Pressure"

Sew thinking the episode title is the epitome of corny. Sew wondering who leaves the competition early tonight! Oh my, I sew cannot wait!

It is all quiet without Anthony- a lot of fun will be missing, according to Seth. Mila is nervous but thinks her age and experience will boost her along- or prove that her idea of stylish is a 70's style gay sarape. Either one. Maya is the youngest contestant left, and is feeling the pressure.

Leopard print, really, Heidi?? Maternity leopard print? Ayayay. She announces that they will be designing a red carpet look for a celebrity. A "difficult" celebrity. Nina Garcia?? Someone connected to the show. Tim looks excited. They're designing for Heidi, of course...for the second time this season?? Yawn. Heidi instructs them that: she won't have the bump, the look has to photograph well from all angles, and to stay true to themselves while designing for her. And she doesn't want to end up on the worst dressed list! She says as she walks off in a leopard print top. Sorry, but I am vehemently anti-animal print. Not out of veganism or anything, I just think it's hideous.

This is, remarkably, a one-day challenge, but there is a $300 budget. Designing for a German stick figure can't be hard, right? Jonathan is thrown from his last challenge- he thought his sad gray dress was awesome, and the judges hated it. Maybe if he designs something ugly, the judges will love it. Oh boy, last thoughts of an auf'd contestant, or what? Maya is not sketching, and the camera nervously pans to her empty station. Hmmm....

Maya and Tim meekly enter the workroom together. She has decided to leave the competition. She's not "ready" for primetime. This from someone who nearly won THREE times. What?? The other designers are shocked, and rightly so. Tim didn't seem to try too hard to dissuade her. Mila looks truly shocked. Jay thinks it's her young age, and Emilio thinks it's a cop out- so do I. "Quitters never win", he comments. True. Truly a stunner. Seth also interviews that if you're sitting at home thinking Maya is a big old quitter, well fuck you, these are 18 hour challenges- you try it. Hey, if I were 21 I just might crack too.

Tim re-enters: he is stunned, in that pained, constipated, furred brow way of his. But it is still Mood time. Seth Aaron says that he is pleased that half the looks in Heidi's look book are black. He also says that anyone could go.."including me -NOT!-okay but I could". There was a sliver of humility there, but hell, he knows he's bad-ass. He's such an ADHD spaz, I love it.

Tim has an announcement. They're bringing a designer back. And the remaining 5 are pissed. Who could it be.....

And Anthony is baaaaack! He seems pleased to be back. Hmm, you think? Jonathan says he's a breath of fresh air, and even Miss Anthony states that he is the ambassador of second chances. His goal isn't to impress the judges- just himself. Maya, there is an attitude lesson to be learned here! Jonathan is doing a lengthy process called cutwork, and here we get a rare glimpse of what actually goes into some of these designs. It's nice to see how it's done, for once. Similarly, we see that Emilio is building a fully boned understructure that will support the delicate fabric on top. I had to slow that down and copy it verbatim, cause that is more Fashion 101 for me! I love this!

Seth is creating a simple, fitted black dress that will teardrop onto the ground. Tim needs to have a word with Seth outside. My God this is a dramatic 20 minutes so far! Cheating allegations?? Chronic overuse of dog collars on a man over 35? Tim looked pretty darned serious/constipated there. Seth comes whistling back in. Phew, he only found out that his model Valeria got a pretty good gig for a model- the Donna Karan runway show. He now gets Cerri to work with, proving that the luck of the Irish is REAL.

Bonus consult with Der Heidi- she seems excited that Anthony is back, whom she calls Ms. Thang. Wait- is this fair? Will a designer radically change his or her design based on a consult with their client, who is also one of the JUDGES? It's like she's peeking behind the wizard's curtain. She tells Seth he needs some sort of showstopper. Anthony looks like he's taking from Mila's playbook and creating a white and black color blocked look- Heidi and Tim actually seem to like it! Jay is designing some sort of hard/soft ruffly creation, per the usual, and Tim and Heidi both remind him that no woman wants to walk around trailing a big, fabric ass. True, I cannot tell you how many times a fabric butt has ruined a perfectly good dress for me. Heidi, who knows the importance of designing for the booby, shows Jay what a real bra looks like (he was thinking there was some kind of gap in there? Oh, no, no, no). Heidi then places these mental nunchucks in Mila's head- her dress is okay...but are the others better? It's almost as if she knows this will torture Mila, whose performance has lagged considerably in the last few challenges. Something to ponder when she bunks ALONE tonight...Heidi tells Jonathan that while she likes the coral color he's been working with, the hideously contrasting grandma curtain fabric must go. Well duh. He is not so subtly told that if he makes it work, he'll score big points.

Thank God for Jonathan's Midwestern humor and Anthony's Southern charm. Jonathan is peeved that Heidi has requested something that will take a week. "Yeah, I'll be done with that by next Thursday"! I love how the models are getting more air time this season. Even they are shocked that Maya is gone. The models leave just as soon as they've come, and the designers promptly begin to lose their shit. Screaming and running around ensues. Jonathan hates the drapy dress that Heidi seems to have requested, as he has now started over. It definitely looks rag tag, J-dog. He hates it so much he has started a THIRD dress. And folks, this is why Maya dropped out. CRAZINESS! YOU CAN TELL BY MY USE OF CAPS!

Army Wives- all the melodrama and ya-ya sisterhood of a daytime soap, without all that fancy writing and stuff.

Day two- witness the stress! Wow. Anthony got extra time, working till 2:30am, and yet he only got to sleep for an hour! Do they really get up at 3:30, or did Anthony get him some insomnia? Jonathan comments that it's good when they're all at least in the same horrible, sinking boat. These designers go down...together. Poor Anthony, who started late, feels rushed and is redesigning the front of his dress! More fashion inside baseball with Jay- what is that tool he is using to get rid of loose thread? Jay's "weapon of choice"? Is this a bobbin? I have to see, his dress looks like it has weird written all over it (weird, that is, not EheartSosa).

Tim enters to see the designers visibly struggling, and I like that we see Jonathan carefully perusing the Bluefly.com wall. Ahem I said, Bluefly.com wall. Yay, they do use it! I missed Models of the Runway last week, so I missed Jonathan casting off his muse, Cerri, for Brandise, who was always Mila's mopey model.

Guest judge is Jessica Alba! A very skinny and blonde Jessica Alba. Why do Latinas dye their hair blonde, why?

First up is Jay. Jay says he likes big butts. Clearly we can see this, thanks to this simple, no frills yet very frilly prom dress. Unflattering and boring. Next!

Mila's model is not making it work, I must say- she looks pained to be there, or like a zombie, or just totally spacing out. But the dress looks kind of 80's to me. It's fine for a meeting of the Topeka Rotary Club, but is way too low fashion for Heidi. One positive note: the brown colors would complement Heidi's skin.

I think Anthony's simple, white and black flowy dress is the prettiest thing to come down the runway so far. The only thing is I think Heidi will dock him points for completely messing up the boobies.

Seth's dress looks awesome and a half. It is dramatic, and as he said earlier, a little vampire. I could actually see Heidi wearing it.

Oh my. Jonathan's dress is a barf-colored, color-blocked, draped, too short mess (yeah, it is Too Short). I predict a tongue lashing from the judges.

Emilio's dress got the gasp and "Wow" from me. Enough said. Shimmery, flattering, dramatic. Perfect.

Seth Aaron gets his first bad judging this season! Heidi is missing the sex appeal, and Jessica, mid yawn, says it's not like anything Heidi has worn, though I think that was the point. Note to self: when designing a dress for Heidi, do nothing but accentuate the cleavage. I love that as each judge lavishes praise on Anthony's elegant, sophisticated dress, we catch glimpses of Jonathan and Emilio fuming mad that Anthony is doing so well. Ha! Like it's their fault he created a lovely Grecian dress. Jessica Alba doesn't like the canyon of missingn fabric separating the boobs of Mila's model. Heidi thinks it is boring (Project Runway cardinal sin #52!). Kors thinks Emilio's liquid gold dress is impeccable, and the other judges collectively swoon. When it comes to Jay's dress, Kors lays it down: there are no women out there who want to wear a dress that makes them look like they have a fat butt. Jay smirks, but come on, unless things are different in the Philippines, he knows it's true (J-Lo also, of course, exempted). With the pleating and the ruffles, the tiny model looks wide. The judges seem to be impressed that Jonathan's model is wearing the third dress he designed, and though they like the back, it is too too short, and the color washes her out and won't photograph well (sheesh, even I know that!).

Bitchback time: Seth Aaron designed a funeral dress that would disguise Heidi's rockin body. Nobody puts Heidi's rockin body in the corner! They manage to get in a subtle dig at Maya when Heidi explains why she withdrew, and the judges say that the fashion world in general is always stressful. Indeed. Jonathan's dress looked very amateur- is this his last hurrah? An Irish curse put on him by his Irish model for dumping her pale ass? They all gush over Emilio. Mila's dress is something a Real Housewife of New Jersey would wear (Go, Nina, great reference!).

Surprise: TWO winners! For two weeks in a row! Seth Aaron, of course, is in. Mila, sadly, is still in. Jay....you're in. Jonathan, you're time is up. Deserved. Jonathan seems somber but positive. He kicked a little bit of ass. Good for you, Jonathan.

Next on: last challenge till Fashion Week! So, Jay, Mila and Seth Aaron make it? Those are my picks.

Aufwiedersehen, my short dress-wearing friends!

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