"Cast Reunion"

Time to dish the dirt for the cast reunion!

Hosts are Tim and Nina. Ninachat, you could say. Congratulations are given to Seth and Kristina. Seth says it hasn't sunk in that he won. Emilio is interviewed, and he somberly says that if the judges loved his collection, why didn't he win? Someone is so not over it. Nina asks the contestants is they've been recognized. Anthony is now a star, apparently. At a toll booth! Even model Kristina was recognized. Ping apparently was recognized at fabric stores. As she tells her story it's evident...she is still crazy. She, uh, forget she was on the show?

Tim brings up the topic of model loyalty. Emilio of course comes up. Tim thinks there is a benefit to keeping the same model. Jonathan explains to Cerri why he stopped working with her. He does seem to imply that her ass got in the way (something about raising the hem, and lowering it...ahem). Apparently there was tension between Amy and Emilio when models were switched. It seems to me like Emilio seemed unpleasant on the show because he was generally unpleasant the whole damn time. Holly the model is asked how she felt wearing the (literal) string bikini. She seems nervous to answer. What can she say? Yeah, it felt great walking nearly nude the runway on national TV?

Emilio boldly says that her fierceness kept her in competition after that challenge. So then...Tim asks why he switched her out. Naturally! Emilio totally avoids the question, saying something about how he just wanted a change, and that everyone wanted to work with her after he did. Tim is totally sticking up for Holly's honor here, and asks if she is satisfied with Emilio's tepid answer. Emilio declares that he and Holly are on good terms, but she doesn't look convinced.

Ooh, I figured out where that pudgy hunk from Drop Dead Diva is from: Pam's original fiancee on The Office. You're welcome.

The designers are asked what their favorite challenge was, and Mila responds that it was the hardware challenge for sure. Jay agrees. Maya interjects that trash bags were really not that unconventional. Is this why she dropped out? Nina says that to make that material work as pants is very challenging. He says he wanted his model to look like Mila and Maya: bitchy. Nina has a question for the designers: what outfit do the models wish they would have worn? Alexis, the model with the feline face, wanted to wear Amy's pretty potato sack dress.

Tim says that the designer's opinions of the other designers are secrets until they're revealed on air. Fast forward to Cerri badmouthing Jay's aesthetic. And Emilio doing a mini Tim impression (nothing beats this). And Jesse and Ping trying to work together. And Jay talking about how he doesn't like Mila cause he dislikes her as a person. And Anthony confessing that when he told Mila she was sketchy, what he meant was that she was a bitchy. Mila apologizes to Anthony. He then attempts to apologize to her and quickly backpedals into some New York Post comment about how he thought she was a mean old lady. Tim sternly reminds him that the quote was indeed in bad taste.

Anthony puzzlingly says that Emilio is like the African-American version of Tim, which Tim (rightly) interprets as, "Do you think I trash talk you all"?. They all say that he sort of does- on his blog! Jay then tells Cerri that he does in fact see himself as an L.A. designer, in response to her earlier comment that he's just an L.A./Miami type designer. We then see why both Mila and Tim didn't get along with Jay. I knew it, I just knew that there was a nasty bitch hiding under that smug face. He only made that comment to Cerri, I guess, to tell her, and the nation, that he would never hire a model with "bad teeth and thick legs". There is silence in the room as everyone absorbs what a mean comment he has just made. And he just sits there and grins, like he's so pleased with himself. Nina chastises him and says that that was mean. Cerri is fuming.

Moving on: Tim asks Ping how she felt when she was paired with Jesse. She was only on the show for two episodes, and my God, it would have been emotionally exhausting to have her emotionally break down for more than two. She breaks down here and says something about how if she wasn't gold she'd shine wherever she was. I guess I have little sympathy, because it seemed to me like she was incapable of working in a team setting, pure and simple. Tim, ever the diplomat, congratulated Jesse for a classy apology, and says that without him, there may have been nothing walking the runway.

Tim brings up the touchy subject of the only designer in Project Runway history to voluntarily leave the show. Jack Mackenroth left due to illness, and one left because of accusations of cheating (who is this? Not Jeffrey Sebelia). Maya looks peeved at the prospect of confessing why she really left the show.

The real reason she left is that she was a good contender, but that she wasn't winning. Nothing dramatic, she really just quit. Nina says she wonders if Maya would have made it to the runway, and Maya blathers about how she had to grow as a designer, blah blah blah. The model Valeria also left in that same episode. She left for a really well-paying job. Kristina seems to have some survivor's guilt for winning the whole thing in Valeria's place. Nina says that this was one of the most talented seasons ever, and Jonathan thanks her for a nice comment she gave him.

Tim wishes everyone Bonne Chance, and that is it! We end with viscera: multiple clips of Tim advising contestants to follow their viscera, etc.

And with that, I say aufwiedersehen from the depth of my viscera!

"Finale, Part 2"

Can't wait to see how the fashion show that happened about three months ago turned out!

Previously on: Seth is advised to reconceptualize! Emilio and Tim clash! Mila and Jay have a runway-off, and Mila is victorious.

One day till runway show! Wow, Emilio's clothes look gross. Seth eagerly announces that he's "sizing up the comp". The ever quotable Seth, how I will miss you. This is now the part where the designers crap on each other's collections: Mila sees Seth's clothes as "glamourous Hot Topic", and Seth sees Mila's looks as "severe and demure", while Mila thinks Emilio's looks are a boutique in Harlem...in 1994 (are we talking Moesha fashion here?).

Tim checks in with the designers. Seth Aaron created 24 looks. Which he has to whittle down to 10! The tension between Tim and Emilio is palpable, and Tim walks on eggshells around ESosa. Mila has been advised to rock and roll her black coat-filled collection.

Model casting: Mila is looking for edgy girls. Emilio wants a diverse cast, and Emilio is looking for fierce walkers. Collier Strong/John Locke consults for makeup looks with the muse models. Wow, he gives Seth's model a very strong, blue eye and very red lips. Very Robert Palmer.

The muse models come in for fittings. Emilio seems surprised to see how different his dresses look on real women's bodies, so is adjusting accordingly. Time for Garnier hair consults. Mila actively tries to go rock and roll (hint: lots of gel). Emilio's model, meanwhile, gets a lot of hair spray. All three interview how important the show is to them and their loved ones. Funny, it's snowing in New York as the designers leave Parsons...

Day of the show and the designers are awoken by a 1930's alarm clock in the Westin hotel. The designers enter the Bryant Park tents with awe. Seth makes snow angels on the pure white runway. The designers prepare their models, as they get styled. Mila is missing 3 of her models. Emilio is also missing one. Are they caught in the snow? Stuck in traffic? Making snow angels on the virgin white runway?

Hold on tight while we watch this ad from Garnier...

Tim pulls alternates for Emilio and Mila, and we see ghosts of contestants past enter the tent: Anthony, Jesus Estrada (really?), even last season's Althea and Carol Hannah. Finishing touches are put on the models. Meanwhile, the judges, all in black, enter the tent. The models are all lined, up, the lights go down, and a spotlight falls on the runway.

Heidi enters. She announces that season 7 had amazing designers, and we see Jonathan, Jesse (yeah, Jesse who?) and a sullen Jay in the audience. Guest judge is Faith Hill, for some reason.

Seth Aaron is first. He thanks his family, and his inspiration was German/Russian military from the 40's. Ok Seth, I'm expecting some Inglourious Basterds action here:

The first look is strong, the red dress. His muse model is fierce. The houndstooth that follows is awesome. Wow, his silhouettes, fabrics, and even accessories are so original. There is one black and white gingham -looking dress that doesn't seem to fit in with the rest. But this is followed by a rocking black pleather explosion, and then that yellow plaid Burberry pencil skirt creation. The black jacket that follows is awesome. There is a gray dress with polka dot leggings, and then a gorgeous, shimmery gray coat that is the most chic garment so far. Purple dress that looks like a bunched up scrunchie is the sole miss, and hell, Nigel Barker and his blonde companion seem to like it. All in all, far from glam Hot Topic, it was awesome!

Mila is next, and she gets emotional. Her black coat really contrasts well with the white runway. Her inspiration was inspired by shadows, and she gives a shoutout to her parents and her boyfriend Matthew. Uh, why couldn't they get better seats? It looks like they're up in the rafters with Jesus Estrada.

Anyhoo, the show: A shapeless dizzying black and white coat thing, followed by a similar coat with similar colors. Quick cut to Jay in the crowd, wondering what these clothes have over his. The clothes so far don't seem really high fashion, but they're wearable, and model Brandise looks fierce. There is a short black and gray leather dress that looks cool, and an outfit with purple tights. Ooh, color! There is a sweater with fringe that looks cool, and B-list actress Christina Milian seems to approve (either Christina Milian, or Raven Simone from The Cosby Show). One weak note is the white blouse with asymmetrical black lines- it's very unoriginal and reminiscent of Mila's weak rainbow lines for the make-your-own-print challenge. The light purple shift dress that follows is eh, but that shimmery, sequined gold dress that closes the show is very cool.

Emilio's colorful show is ready to come out. "Good morning", he announces. Morning? Why does this seem like a nighttime event to me? Do attendees walk out of the tent and squint and blink like they've come out of a movie theater? Anyhoo, Emilio: we finally hear the inspiration for his collection, which is his mother and her sister. The collection is called Color Me Badd. Oh no he didn't. I'm already a wee bit on his side with the mother inspiration.

Ok: first a pea green coat. Eh. So not impressed. The cherry red dress that follows is a great color, but the style is unoriginal. These colors are great though: there is a bright, azure blue coat that follows, and the color is just lovely. But the design? A big, fat, meh. More cherry red, underneath which is that hideous mishmash of a print dress. Next is a green leopard print-like dress that is actually pretty cool. The cool blue dress that follows it is a great color, but very run of the mill design. These outfits are coming hit or miss for me. More cherry red, and finally a black suit that is a bit incongruous after all these colorful looks. A teeny weeny yellow barfy print mini-skirt comes out, followed by a very pretty green, shimmery Tinkerbell-like gown. The best so far. Way to get dressed up for the event, Emilio.

Instant fashion celebrity reaction: Editor in Chief of Marie Claire, aka Nina Garcia, liked Mila's shadows inspiration. Hunky fashion photographer/reality show judge Nigel Barker liked Seth's collection, and former contestant Anthony liked Emilio's, while an almost unrecognizable Ping Wu, in a gray bob wig, preferred Mila. So did the CEO of Halston. Aha! Mystery runway girl was indeed Raven Simone, who surprisingly resembles Christina Milian. Well, she actually liked Emilio's prints with the initials on them. How could she see? Beth Ostrosky Stern is identified as a television personality, and I have no idea who she is. Help, anyone? Anyway, she liked Seth's looks. Season 6 bitch/winner Irina liked Mila's blackety black looks (shocking!), and Jonathan (you remember Jonathan) is non-committal, saying Seth's collection was more whimsical, whereas Emilio and Mila's were more wearable. It all comes down to what the judges are looking for: a risky Jay McCarroll, or a safe Chloe Dao...

I have to rewind my DVR to see why the dude from Drop Dead Diva looks so familiar. Is he supposed to be a plus size heartthrob? He looks so damn familiar, in a Toby Keith way...

Alright, judges room: Is Nina Garcia on valium? Seriously. Kors admires Seth's craftsmanship, and his wow factor. His collection both stayed young and was luxury. Nina also adores his collection, and calls it very editorial. Heidi wasn't nuts about the purple scrunchie, but thought it was an exciting show. Faith Hill loves Emilio's coats. Heidi liked the print. Kors thinks his collection was the most commercial. Nina thought is was a sophisticated collection, but she criticizes the overuse of tailored coats. Mila's turn: Heidi of course really liked the show, and is glad that she heeded Michael and Nina's advice about edgy styling. Kors liked her use of shine, cause it was a little nasty. Seth Aaron cannot help but giggle, and neither can I. Don't shiny coats just make you feel nasty? Faith Hill loved Mila's collection, too.

Time for deliberation. Mila showed the culmination of her aesthetic, though Kors still thought it wasn't surprising. Heidi is not too surprised at Seth's collection, which she thought was typical of him (isn't that the point?). Kors thought it was polished and mature, but still with Seth's signature. They think he can be overwrought (cut to purple scrunchie). Nina thinks he's fearless, which is necessary. Faith Hill loves Emilio. She adored the Tinkerbell dress (me too!). He went more subdued, and went commercial. Kors is missing the drama. They're looking at who's the most creative and who has the most to say. Initials S.A. for the win?

Everyone gets accolades from Heidi. Mila...you're out. Figures. A male winner. She seems to take it well. Long silence from Heidi, and then...Seth Aaron...congratulations! He cries and is hugged by Emilio. Emilio is very bummed. Seth is thrilled, needless to say. Aw, the son is crying, how sweet is that. Kristina the model, of course, wins too. How does that other girl feel about taking the Ralph Lauren job now?? Seth seems enormously humbled and happy, as he should. Bravo.

Aufwiedersehen to another season of Project Runway! And now for the Cast Reunion...

Final 3 Interview!

Una LaMarche's Final 3 Interview Spectacular

Enjoy some great tidbits about the production of Project Runway from the final 3- Seth Aaron, Emilio, and Mila- along with Una's unique voice. Enjoy, all!

"Finale, Part 1"

Time to check in on the designers to see how their collections are going. Ah, my favorite part of every season, the finale checkin with Tim Gunn!

Heidi is still pregnant as she tells the designers aufwiedersehen! Mila packs up and has already got Jay on the brain. Jay, meanwhile, is just pleased to be in the top 4. Emilio is super pleased with himself. Seth announces that his collection. Will.Not.Be.Boring.

Aaaaand....fast forward three months to beautiful Portland, Oregon, and that bridge that appears in all depictions of Portland! Oops, silly me, he's over the state border in Vancouver, Washington. Seth's welcomes Tim in, and I see a lot of black and leather. Wow, Seth Aaron says his plan is to create 20 outfits and whittle them down when he gets to New York. How can he AFFORD all that? Seth's bringing the ambition, stating that he wants to STOMP the competition (in Doc Martens, surely). And I must say, the first few items he shows Tim are truly impressive. Tim announces, Debbie Downer style, that while people unfamiliar with Seth's style would be impressed by the beauty and craftsmanship of the clothes, he will not win if he doesn't do something that surprises the judges. Let's pretend that Christian Siriano and Meana Irina didn't win for turning out the same kind of clothes at Fashion Week that they did all season long. Hell, let's pretend Christian Siriano didn't mostly win cause Posh Spice was a guest judge on his finale.

Moving on: Tim advises Seth to reconceptualize the whole thing and start over. Seth and his wispy haircut do not look pleased. Tim knows Seth is capable, which is the only reason he is pushing him. He's like the Tina Fey character in Mean Girls: "I'm a pusher, Cady, I'm a pusher".

Holy crap, Seth Aaron was a blonde surfer dude when he married his high school sweetheart? Rewind! Yep, I see hair gel, a deep tan and an earring. And as Seth provides voiceover on how important a win would be to his whole family, I am distracted by Tim playing Pictionary with the whole family, Seth's daughter drawing something resembling balloons, and Tim blurting out, "Fallopian tubes!". Interesting, my Pictionary Rohrshach test showed me marshmallows on a stick. Calling Dr. Freud?

Seth announces that he has something special for Tim, and Tim recoils in fear. Almost as if he had caught a peek at the...backyard trampoline. Queen on a Trampoline (Lifetime, I smell movie of the week...). Poor Tim fell after about 2 seconds, and looked VERY uncomfortable.

I never understand why Tim doesn't do his cross-country jaunt in some sort of order. Instead of heading south to San Francisco (woot woot!) to see Jay after Washington, he then goes back to New York to visit Emilio. We meet Emilio's two brothers, Nicholas and Felipe, and learn of Emilio's father working as a janitor and his mother working 30 years in a factory. Tim and Emilio don't seem all that chummy.

In his workroom, he shows Tim colorful looks, with reds, turquoises and pea greens (not, thankfully, all on the same outfit). He then shows Tim some ESosa prints he made (unoriginal!), and then a truly hideous overly patterned, shiny, floral jacket that offends Tim. Of course Emilio is offended that Tim is offended. He doesn't create looks for the cameras, he creates them for his client, he states (who has hideous taste and loves Emilio's initials). There is some back and forth between the two, and I think I even catch Emilio do a little eye roll. Will defying Tim pay off? I hope not... Tim then says that he sees a lack of sophistication and clothes that look, frankly, old. See that picture of Tim at the top of this blog? He means business! Interestingly, there is no dinner or even drinks with Tim. No meeting the significant other. No love lost between those two.

Time to visit Mila in Los Angeles. Downtown, by the looks of it. She has a dalmatian named Ziggy- my God, everything in her world is black and white! Including, apparently, her collection, which was inspired by shadows. Shadows? Hmm. I love the look of some of her coats, although the overall lack of color is a bit boring. Advantage Emilio. Tim thinks her collection is tending towards the matronly and conservative side. I don't see it, and neither does Mila.

She gets the bug-eyed, gritting her teeth look at the mere mention of Jay, and says she finds him really annoying. I don't get this from the show; were all his annoying moments edited out?We meet Mila's parents and boyfriend, who appears much younger than her. Mila's parents also say she went through an extended goth phase- shocker- and she interviews that after working as a costumer for the past 12 years (so since she was my age?), she has wanted to break out on her own.

Finally, Tim visits Jay in San Francisco. Uh, does he really live in the Haight, or was this stock "kooky San Francisco" footage? Jay was inspired by Japanese samurai, who apparently dressed as foppish British lords with lots of frilly sleeves and poofy shirts (yeah, I didn't know either). Tim asks Jay a pesky question: where is the woman in this outfit going? Ah, so tricky when your conceptual fashion gets brought down to Earth. Jay doesn't know how to answer the question! It looks like Jay is having the same problem Amy was criticized for earlier in the season- too conceptual, too much weird detail. Tim then gives the designs the ultimate insult- they look like student work. Ouch! Jay seems a little overconfident in thinking his over the top pieces will beat Mila. Her looks may be more conservative, but they are clothes women (this one included) would want to wear. Heidi, too.

We then meet Jay's family and partner. His mother looks like she's spent weeks preparing a feast for Tim. Jay's parents are very sweet, and we learn about how his family struggled to raise him in the Philippines. His mother is enormously supportive, and all raise a glass to Jay.

Back in the world of Project Runway...it's New York Fashion Week. Mila is the first to arrive at the Westin New York. Jay, naturally, is the next to arrive. And yeah, they're rooming together! Mixed-gender rooming assignments, interesting.

Time for awkward socializing between Jay and Mila. They eyeball each other and attempt to relate on a human level. Awkward all around. Seth strides in and seems to have changed his collection. Emilio then enters, and he says he has also changed his. Tim then gives a Gunn-like bear hug to all. As much of a bear hug as he can muster. He formally welcomes them to the Westin, and he asks them to enjoy their Heavenly bed...because it may be your only night in it! God, I want that bed. I'll take a weekend in that bed over a weekend in Vegas, thank you very much. The designers pop a little champagne, and toast each other. Fashion kisses.

In a new and improved workroom (yet still with the Bluefly.com wall), there are only three workspaces. Jay and Mila are sharing a table. Ooh, it's the Bluefly.com workroom. Stepping up the sponsorship a notch. Tim reiterates for the zillionth time what the designers are up against...and they're off. The judge's decision will be made that day. They have three hours to ready their models. Mila's model has cut her hair super short, like above the ear short. Ooh, not so sure about that. Jay's loopy pants aren't fitting properly, and it's too bizarre for the girl's legs!

Mila decides to integrate color into the looks with the makeup and hair. I say embrace the black and white. Both designers cry and cry- first time we've seen Mila shed tears. Oh, producers, you kill me. I have to sit through, er, fast forward through Andie MacDowell to get to the good stuff.

It looks like Lou Seal (that's her last name, right?) has been born, finally. Time for a mini-runway show: Mila's looks are mod and stylish, black and white and yet original in their cut, silhouette, and fit. Heidi's eyes seem to light up when she sees them.

Jay's looks are structural, colorful, very modern, although still not flattering to a woman's body. And the collar on his last look covers half of his model's face! I don't think the model in Heidi will appreciate that.

Judging time: Heidi likes Mila's pieces. Kors thinks they're very Mila...but they're not surprising. He also thinks the girls' hair and makeup should look edgier. Seems like a no from him. Nina also thinks the pieces are not very modern, and wonders how Mila would create six collections a year with the same boring palette. They love her gloves and rings.

Jay explains his samurai inspiration. Kors loves all the looks. Nina likes his tailoring and innovation, but thinks, like Tim did, that there's a bit too much going on. He needs to edit. Heidi loves the short dress but doesn't think the clothes are cohesive. Kors, in a dig at Mila, says there is not a hint of retro in the clothes. Cough, hint, cough.

Heidi wants Mila, Kors wants Jay, and so it all seems to hinge on Nina Gahcia. Nina and Kors seem to wonder if Mila is capable of surprising with her designs. They all love the modernity of Jay's designs, but agree that the face-hiding jacket has to go. Kors introduces everyone to the lovely Yiddish word "ungepatchke" (?), which apparently means, too much. The judges have made their decision. Interestingly enough, Kors is the Yiddish word for belly button.

One of you will be out....ayayay get to it, Heidi, get to it! And Mila is...in. Yes! Jay's loopy pant legs are going back to Ess Eff. Poor Jay.

The judges advise Mila to focus on styling. Was that what the decision hinged on? Jay is proud of his accomplishment, and I'm sure he'll do well.

Next week on: Faith Hill is the guest judge (but her husband looks like this, so you have to question her whole taste level).

Aufwiedersehen! Can't wait for the show next week!

"The Big, Top Designers"

Eenie meanie minie moe, which two designers will be the next to go?

It's morning and Anthony is echoing throughout Lower Manhattan. Anthony is a wee bit pleased that he won the last challenge. Just a tad. Mila is all alone in the women's quarter.

Heidi is sending everyone to a tent..but not a Bryant Park tent (I smell an outdoorsy, lumberjack challenge). Anthony seems to think so.

They arrive at Ringling Bros. Yep. The challenge is not, as I'd hoped, to design a look for a trapeze artist or the bearded lady or a lion tamer. No, the designers are merely to design a runway look inspired by the circus. Certainly leaves a lot of room for interpretation.

A ringleader calls in a host of performers, and Jay is totally focused on the hot, waxed up acrobats in tights. I would be too. There's clowns, motorcycles, tumblers, the whole shebang.

The designers sketch on site, and Emilio is inspired by stripes and polka dots. Mila was mesmerized by the ringleader, so she decided on a coat, a blouse and a pair of pants. Anthony was taken by a spinning acrobat in blue, and Jay is doing a a circus-like jacket and big...clown pants? He does like a loose fit. Seth is doing some kind of a big coat. It's a $300 challenge.

At Mood, Anthony picks a beautiful royal blue. Back in the workroom, the designers are elated to learn that they have 2 days for the challenge. I think this makes 2 2-day challenges for the whole season? Finally! Mila proves why she has grown to be one of my favorite contestants- as Emilio babbles aloud to himself about how he's there to win it all, etc., etc., Mila reminds him that he has mentioned this many times before. Someone needs to puncture that enormous ego Emilio is hiding under his teeny derby hat. She interviews that he doesn't have to gloat as he much as he does. I wonder if E-Sosa is trying to compete with Anthony in the sass department?

Emilio's dress is looking very Mila-ish/color block-esque. Tim enters, and Seth describes his wow factor. Big coat, boning (hehe), a tie, and a top hat...Tim asks Seth to remember that it's not a costume (but isn't everything he does super costumey...like if you dressed up as a vampire prostitute for Halloween). Tim adores Emilio's fabric, and the use of cranberry looks clever to me. Tim and Emilio have a little back and forth about color and its use (or lack) in Emilio's previous designs. Emilio gets lispy and defensive very fast. Of courth I use color! Tim advises Anthony to let his viscera rule. Um, ew, isn't that, like, your guts? Uh, gross. Oh, never ever look for viscera in Google Images. Blarg. If I let my viscera rule, I'd eat Girl Scout cookies and cookie dough ice cream every night. Yet that ain't happening. Moving on: Mila is doing a shiny, black coat. Tim advises that she ditch her proposed ivory panels. Jay is doing an oversized, tweed pant and a detailed coat, and Tim cackles at the suggestion that Jay's jacket is bad bitch. Tim Gunn is so easily scandalized.

And one day is over rather quickly in the workroom. See how fast it goes when there's only five? Anthony is freaking, and I really hope he makes it work. Jay is motivated to push on through. Seth is on the fence about Mila's blingy outfit. Anthony sees costumes whereas he is doing something beautiful. Jay learns that he is making a Michael Jackson coat. Oh, yes, yes indeed.

Last morning, and Mila is feeling contemplative and at peace. Seth is nervous for the first time, and his look is so costumey I'm a bit nervous for him, too. Anthony is having fit issues with his dress. Mila interviews that she thinks Anthony should go for his inconsistency, and Jay for his lack of fashion knowledge. Jay, meanwhile (of course) thinks Mila's not ready for Bryant Park. Plus he just don't like her. Hair, gel, dryers, eye shadow, mascara, montage. Seth is "flippin fuckin out inside" (that's flippin out with a fuck in the middle for those of you keeping score at home). I get a peek at his outfit and it looks cool.

Runway time. Guest judge is Cynthia Rowley.

Jay's look fits his model well (as opposed to last week's butt saga), but it is way too literal. A lion tamer/ringleader? Plus, yeah, Michael Jackson does come into mind.

Mila's look is a hot, bloody mess. I mean, if I had a bloody nose in 100 degree weather, I would not be as much of a hot, bloody mess. Hot pink pants, yellow shirt, mismatched, criss-crossed coat strings. It'd be a shame to see her go on an outfit that is so not her.

Anthony's gown elicited a wow from me. I have never understood why the judges are so hard on him; he manages to do simple elegance very well. The royal blue is lovely, and the dress is just the right mixture of soft and structural. Bravo!

Wow, I have to say, Emilio's dress is awesome. So THIS is why Nina Garcia insisted on keeping him around. The touch of cranberry in the bodice, the lacy touches on the skirt, the stripy skirt- it all contrasts perfectly.

Seth's look goes the same loopy route as Jay's. Oh my. The model has no neck, her sleeves are too long, and she looks overall like the Mad Hatter. Nacht Gut.

What the hell are these judges smoking? I have not understood Seth's design aesthetic all season long, but they like this look? What the Seth? Heidi and Cynthia Rowley like it, but Nina thinks it's a bit costumey, and Kors sees a little crazy crotch. Anthony seems shocked that Nina thinks his look is a complete snooze from the waist down. The judges all notice his dull fabric, and Kors asks to see it up close. They're shocked that he spent $300 on polyester. Touche. Jay's look is nothing without the jacket, according to Heidi. Nina loves the pants. Oh God, please say Jay won't be safe. Kors thinks Mila's look is impactful, bold, not a costume (really?) and is very Mila. Heidi and Cynthia Rowley adore Emilio's dress, and Michael Kors states that it's his favorite garment OF THE SEASON. Watch that ego swell...

Now is the part where every designer is asked why they deserve to go to Fashion Week, and who they would bring with them. Ooh. Seth deserves to go cause of his tailoring, and would bring Emilio and Jay. Jay thinks it means something that he got this far, and he'd bring Seth and would want to share the experience with Anthony, which draws tears from Anthony. Mila says it's the right time for her. She would bring Emilio and Seth. Emilio thinks he deserves to go because he is God's gift to fashion...well okay, because he has a strong point of view as a designer. He'd bring Seth and Mila with him. Anthony tears up as he says that he has made beautiful clothes, and would continue to do so. He'd want to go with Jay and Emilio.

Phew. Bitch-back: Emilio's dress was an overall stunner. Seth's was true to himself, and innovative. The judges are still baffled at Anthony picking an ugly fabric, but they all agree he has talent. Mila caused some debate- Kors thinks her clothes are always made beautifully, but Cynthia Rowley didn't seem too impressed by her. Heidi seems to be iffy on Jay, but Nina and Kors agree that he has good taste and makes modern clothes.

Ooh, such an intense episode. No time to blog the commercials!

Emilio is in, por supuesto. Seth Aaron is in, and seemingly surprised. Anthony is...out. Mila is...in. Yes. Jay is...also in. Of course. One will be eliminated, a la Rami Kashou and Chris March of Season 4. Rami won that showdown, but who dressed Meryl Streep at the Oscars this year, huh? Anthony classily bows out. Bravo, Anthony, you done good.

Next on: drama galore.

Aufwiedersehen, Anthony!

"Sew Much Pressure"

Sew thinking the episode title is the epitome of corny. Sew wondering who leaves the competition early tonight! Oh my, I sew cannot wait!

It is all quiet without Anthony- a lot of fun will be missing, according to Seth. Mila is nervous but thinks her age and experience will boost her along- or prove that her idea of stylish is a 70's style gay sarape. Either one. Maya is the youngest contestant left, and is feeling the pressure.

Leopard print, really, Heidi?? Maternity leopard print? Ayayay. She announces that they will be designing a red carpet look for a celebrity. A "difficult" celebrity. Nina Garcia?? Someone connected to the show. Tim looks excited. They're designing for Heidi, of course...for the second time this season?? Yawn. Heidi instructs them that: she won't have the bump, the look has to photograph well from all angles, and to stay true to themselves while designing for her. And she doesn't want to end up on the worst dressed list! She says as she walks off in a leopard print top. Sorry, but I am vehemently anti-animal print. Not out of veganism or anything, I just think it's hideous.

This is, remarkably, a one-day challenge, but there is a $300 budget. Designing for a German stick figure can't be hard, right? Jonathan is thrown from his last challenge- he thought his sad gray dress was awesome, and the judges hated it. Maybe if he designs something ugly, the judges will love it. Oh boy, last thoughts of an auf'd contestant, or what? Maya is not sketching, and the camera nervously pans to her empty station. Hmmm....

Maya and Tim meekly enter the workroom together. She has decided to leave the competition. She's not "ready" for primetime. This from someone who nearly won THREE times. What?? The other designers are shocked, and rightly so. Tim didn't seem to try too hard to dissuade her. Mila looks truly shocked. Jay thinks it's her young age, and Emilio thinks it's a cop out- so do I. "Quitters never win", he comments. True. Truly a stunner. Seth also interviews that if you're sitting at home thinking Maya is a big old quitter, well fuck you, these are 18 hour challenges- you try it. Hey, if I were 21 I just might crack too.

Tim re-enters: he is stunned, in that pained, constipated, furred brow way of his. But it is still Mood time. Seth Aaron says that he is pleased that half the looks in Heidi's look book are black. He also says that anyone could go.."including me -NOT!-okay but I could". There was a sliver of humility there, but hell, he knows he's bad-ass. He's such an ADHD spaz, I love it.

Tim has an announcement. They're bringing a designer back. And the remaining 5 are pissed. Who could it be.....

And Anthony is baaaaack! He seems pleased to be back. Hmm, you think? Jonathan says he's a breath of fresh air, and even Miss Anthony states that he is the ambassador of second chances. His goal isn't to impress the judges- just himself. Maya, there is an attitude lesson to be learned here! Jonathan is doing a lengthy process called cutwork, and here we get a rare glimpse of what actually goes into some of these designs. It's nice to see how it's done, for once. Similarly, we see that Emilio is building a fully boned understructure that will support the delicate fabric on top. I had to slow that down and copy it verbatim, cause that is more Fashion 101 for me! I love this!

Seth is creating a simple, fitted black dress that will teardrop onto the ground. Tim needs to have a word with Seth outside. My God this is a dramatic 20 minutes so far! Cheating allegations?? Chronic overuse of dog collars on a man over 35? Tim looked pretty darned serious/constipated there. Seth comes whistling back in. Phew, he only found out that his model Valeria got a pretty good gig for a model- the Donna Karan runway show. He now gets Cerri to work with, proving that the luck of the Irish is REAL.

Bonus consult with Der Heidi- she seems excited that Anthony is back, whom she calls Ms. Thang. Wait- is this fair? Will a designer radically change his or her design based on a consult with their client, who is also one of the JUDGES? It's like she's peeking behind the wizard's curtain. She tells Seth he needs some sort of showstopper. Anthony looks like he's taking from Mila's playbook and creating a white and black color blocked look- Heidi and Tim actually seem to like it! Jay is designing some sort of hard/soft ruffly creation, per the usual, and Tim and Heidi both remind him that no woman wants to walk around trailing a big, fabric ass. True, I cannot tell you how many times a fabric butt has ruined a perfectly good dress for me. Heidi, who knows the importance of designing for the booby, shows Jay what a real bra looks like (he was thinking there was some kind of gap in there? Oh, no, no, no). Heidi then places these mental nunchucks in Mila's head- her dress is okay...but are the others better? It's almost as if she knows this will torture Mila, whose performance has lagged considerably in the last few challenges. Something to ponder when she bunks ALONE tonight...Heidi tells Jonathan that while she likes the coral color he's been working with, the hideously contrasting grandma curtain fabric must go. Well duh. He is not so subtly told that if he makes it work, he'll score big points.

Thank God for Jonathan's Midwestern humor and Anthony's Southern charm. Jonathan is peeved that Heidi has requested something that will take a week. "Yeah, I'll be done with that by next Thursday"! I love how the models are getting more air time this season. Even they are shocked that Maya is gone. The models leave just as soon as they've come, and the designers promptly begin to lose their shit. Screaming and running around ensues. Jonathan hates the drapy dress that Heidi seems to have requested, as he has now started over. It definitely looks rag tag, J-dog. He hates it so much he has started a THIRD dress. And folks, this is why Maya dropped out. CRAZINESS! YOU CAN TELL BY MY USE OF CAPS!

Army Wives- all the melodrama and ya-ya sisterhood of a daytime soap, without all that fancy writing and stuff.

Day two- witness the stress! Wow. Anthony got extra time, working till 2:30am, and yet he only got to sleep for an hour! Do they really get up at 3:30, or did Anthony get him some insomnia? Jonathan comments that it's good when they're all at least in the same horrible, sinking boat. These designers go down...together. Poor Anthony, who started late, feels rushed and is redesigning the front of his dress! More fashion inside baseball with Jay- what is that tool he is using to get rid of loose thread? Jay's "weapon of choice"? Is this a bobbin? I have to see, his dress looks like it has weird written all over it (weird, that is, not EheartSosa).

Tim enters to see the designers visibly struggling, and I like that we see Jonathan carefully perusing the Bluefly.com wall. Ahem I said, Bluefly.com wall. Yay, they do use it! I missed Models of the Runway last week, so I missed Jonathan casting off his muse, Cerri, for Brandise, who was always Mila's mopey model.

Guest judge is Jessica Alba! A very skinny and blonde Jessica Alba. Why do Latinas dye their hair blonde, why?

First up is Jay. Jay says he likes big butts. Clearly we can see this, thanks to this simple, no frills yet very frilly prom dress. Unflattering and boring. Next!

Mila's model is not making it work, I must say- she looks pained to be there, or like a zombie, or just totally spacing out. But the dress looks kind of 80's to me. It's fine for a meeting of the Topeka Rotary Club, but is way too low fashion for Heidi. One positive note: the brown colors would complement Heidi's skin.

I think Anthony's simple, white and black flowy dress is the prettiest thing to come down the runway so far. The only thing is I think Heidi will dock him points for completely messing up the boobies.

Seth's dress looks awesome and a half. It is dramatic, and as he said earlier, a little vampire. I could actually see Heidi wearing it.

Oh my. Jonathan's dress is a barf-colored, color-blocked, draped, too short mess (yeah, it is Too Short). I predict a tongue lashing from the judges.

Emilio's dress got the gasp and "Wow" from me. Enough said. Shimmery, flattering, dramatic. Perfect.

Seth Aaron gets his first bad judging this season! Heidi is missing the sex appeal, and Jessica, mid yawn, says it's not like anything Heidi has worn, though I think that was the point. Note to self: when designing a dress for Heidi, do nothing but accentuate the cleavage. I love that as each judge lavishes praise on Anthony's elegant, sophisticated dress, we catch glimpses of Jonathan and Emilio fuming mad that Anthony is doing so well. Ha! Like it's their fault he created a lovely Grecian dress. Jessica Alba doesn't like the canyon of missingn fabric separating the boobs of Mila's model. Heidi thinks it is boring (Project Runway cardinal sin #52!). Kors thinks Emilio's liquid gold dress is impeccable, and the other judges collectively swoon. When it comes to Jay's dress, Kors lays it down: there are no women out there who want to wear a dress that makes them look like they have a fat butt. Jay smirks, but come on, unless things are different in the Philippines, he knows it's true (J-Lo also, of course, exempted). With the pleating and the ruffles, the tiny model looks wide. The judges seem to be impressed that Jonathan's model is wearing the third dress he designed, and though they like the back, it is too too short, and the color washes her out and won't photograph well (sheesh, even I know that!).

Bitchback time: Seth Aaron designed a funeral dress that would disguise Heidi's rockin body. Nobody puts Heidi's rockin body in the corner! They manage to get in a subtle dig at Maya when Heidi explains why she withdrew, and the judges say that the fashion world in general is always stressful. Indeed. Jonathan's dress looked very amateur- is this his last hurrah? An Irish curse put on him by his Irish model for dumping her pale ass? They all gush over Emilio. Mila's dress is something a Real Housewife of New Jersey would wear (Go, Nina, great reference!).

Surprise: TWO winners! For two weeks in a row! Seth Aaron, of course, is in. Mila, sadly, is still in. Jay....you're in. Jonathan, you're time is up. Deserved. Jonathan seems somber but positive. He kicked a little bit of ass. Good for you, Jonathan.

Next on: last challenge till Fashion Week! So, Jay, Mila and Seth Aaron make it? Those are my picks.

Aufwiedersehen, my short dress-wearing friends!

"Hey, That's my Fabric"

I'm slightly under the weather, but I'm spending the Friday night before my birthday blogging about Project Runway. Ah, for the love of Kors.

The HP challenge! I knew it was coming.

In the apartments, Jay is perfecting his feathery mohawk, and we see that some sort of bedside cream, possibly Tucks or Vaseline or Cerave, is on Jonathan's bedside and is all blurred out. Do the lotion people really not want to be associated with him? He interviews that Amy leaving really crushed him, but it's game on now. Anthony correctly states that most people wouldn't have expected him to get this far in the competition. Hell, his blue dress is on the cover of Marie Claire magazine as we speak. Maya is one of two girls left, and the youngest, and is still feeling the anxiety of influence (thank you British Lit 101, for supplying me with that literary reference).

Funny, Heidi is still pregnant here. Tim is with Vivienne Tam, who is known for marrying technology and fashion. They will be designing and creating their own fabrics for their looks. Vivienne shows how she used the image of a butterfly to create a butterfly print. She seems to not mind shilling for HP at all, though the designers look a little bored by the blatant product placement. The nature of producing their own fabric means that this will be a two day challenge. And they're still going to Mood, for fabrics that they can use to prototype, which, thanks Tim Gunn, I never realized could be a verb.

So it's "sketch time", and Seth is creating a Bratz doll look alike. Jay is creating something vibrant and electric green (my favorite color), while Mila uses a paintbrush to create multi-colored stripes. Well done, Hewlett Packard, well done. Emilio is not self-involved or anything, but his fabric will consist of his initials, over and over. Maybe my aversion to that idea is related to the fact that I don't like clothes with designer's names or initials splashed all over them. It's why I've never been able to be a Louis Vuitton fanatic. The designers print their designs, and they all look promising.

Supplemental fabric time at Mood, y'all: they have 20 minutes! Seth loves yellow, so is going with a British take on pop punk. I don't know how that first phrase connects with the second, but I'm sure it'll all come together and look like a raincoat Sid Vicious would wear. Thank you, Mooood!

So I guess without the full fabric, what can they do? Well, I guess fiddle around with their printouts and do additional sketching. Mila's print looks Miro-esque to me, but Anthony thinks Legos are for playing with, NOT for wearing. What happened to Jonathan's print? He designed something, but it's invisible. Hmm, not great planning there, Jonathan. Mila asks Anthony what he's making, and he replies, "So far, an ass out of myself". No, you are making yourself the running laugh track to this show! Never leave, Anthony! Anthony is trying separates, and is trying out an edgier look. Oh my. Project Runway rule #549- if your specialty is Southern cotillion ball gowns, don't go for edgy all of a sudden. And always stay true to your design aesthetic! Don't fail me now, Anthony. Emilio tries placing a periwinkle blue bustier on his mannequin, and doesn't like the way it looks. We then see him thinking about whether to scrap or carry on. As long as his model isn't wearing a bikini made of washers, it's all good (yes, I still shudder at the thought of that dress).

Nighttime at Parsons, and the designers are busily constructing. Emilio bought the light blue hours ago, but now decides he doesn't like it. Why does Nina Garcia think he's so promising again? We are then treated to Anthony hilariously riffing on Beyonce and Oprah. This actually concerns me, because any designer who is lavished with air time is either about to win, or...about to walk the plank. I still don't totally get what the designers could do without their primary fabrics, but they are gone for the day.

Oh dear, Seth has made the phone call home of doom. Or has he...?

Next morning, the designers arrive at the workroom to find...their fabrics! So what kind of material is this exactly, cotton? Jonathan's design has actually turned out pretty, with gray bubbles and stenciling, BUT when compared to the vibrant colors everyone else is doing, it will probably be the most boring. Mila feels the same way I do about Emilio's Emilio-centric fabric, and says that while he is a good fitter, his taste is questionable. Very true. Maya is having trouble using her fabric in a way that represents herself, and her love of structure. That fabric is so fabulous, I am sure she will pull something out.

Tim Gunn consults with Mila first, and she calls him T.G. Love it! Emilio's ESosa dress gets Strike Two from Tim, who, like me, only sees the initials S.A., for Seth Aaron (or for my own name), and Seth Aaron himself looks very amused and a bit flattered at the unintentional shout-out. Tim thinks that without the print, it's a very basic silhouette. Emilio proceeds to commit Project Runway cardinal sin #38- never ignore the oracle of fashion that is Tim Gunn. Kenley Collins did, and while she actually made it to the final three, she eventually was arrested for throwing her cat at her fiance in a domestic dispute. So you see, you cross Gunn, and bad shit finds you. Eventually.

Tim adores Maya's print, and commands her to unblock! Tim, I see endorsement opportunity here, I'm just sayin'. Sorry, leaving my current health issues, aside: Anthony's bustier is great in my opinion, but Tim is concerned that the judges may find it unambitious.

The models come in for their fitting, and Emilio says, "Oh, I hope the judges don't notice I got some water there". I suspect that Emilio doesn't really give a shit at this point. Ooh, I hope he's out. Maya is flipping out. How could this not be a good challenge for her? Emilio comments that Mila has made a white teepee of a dress, which is kind of true, but I think with that swirl of color it will look great- but this is the hippie in me talking. I wear shit like this, okay?

Crunch time on day two: Mila notes that Anthony's taste is questionable, although he's a joy to have around. I agree. He can't step out of the tasteful evening gown comfort zone. He starts to scrap his original top, with what looks to be about 1 minute left till midnight. Uh oh...

Zooey Deschanel singing for Cotton. She has a so-so voice, and yet she sings in every movie role I've seen her in. Even as a Christmas elf in "Elf". I love her as an actress, but as a singer? Stick to your day job, Deschanel.

Time for unnecessary filler. Yes, we could have more airtime for seeing the fashions, or judging time, but instead we get Anthony telling Jay he looks like a gay Christmas ornament (a complement in my book), and yet this prompts Jay to change out of his neon green jeans. Seth seems very ADHD as he mumbles to his sleeve, and Jay's outfit is looking like a troll costume. Anthony wants to throw a bucket of paint on Jonathan's pale dress and pale model, while Jonathan observes that Mila's model can barely walk in her dress. Hair, makeup, now runway time.

Let's meet the judges: of course guest judge Vivienne Tam. First up is: Seth Aaron.

I admire his talent as a designer, but I don't get a lot of it. This is a fine example. The jacket, plus the yellow tie, and-ack!- gray jodhpurs, all equal a garish mess in my book. But the judges will probably love it.

Interesting: Jonathan made a jacket that seems to fasten in the back. The model removing the jacket definitely created a wow moment, but the rest of the outfit is boring and gray.

Maya's fiery red dress looks dramatic and awesome, and she managed to work in the structural elements. A+

Emilio's light blue print dress with the black jacket actually looks chic- I like the pencil skirt effect.

Mila's dress looks great, with just a splash of color, but Nina makes a face when she sees that the model can barely walk in it. Uh-oh.

Anthony's dress has some purple fabric strips papering over the messy bodice, and I have to say, this simply doesn't have the wow factor of some of the other looks. Yawn.

Jay's green and black tribal/military/turtleneck/short shorts look is all sorts of hideous. Ick.

Jay has moved to the middle of the pack-yay?

Heidi loves Emilio's look, which we now learn was inspired by his two passions: graffiti, and 1940's French fashion. Kors thinks he nailed it. Kudos all around for Emilio. Michael Kors thinks Mila's dress is like a Mexican sarape/gay flag (hey, Juan Gabriel would rock that look!). Heidi thinks it's too stuck in the 70's, and Nina says it's not much of a print. Vivienne Tam thinks the print doesn't go with the dress. Ouch. Heidi says that she's seen Anthony's silhouette many times before. Predictably, the judges love Seth Aaron's consistency, and Kors says the look has personality. Excessive personality, I'd say. Nina though the print was charming- has she never seen a Bratz doll? Kors thinks Maya's model looks like a romantic warrior, and Nina thinks the dress looks like electricity. Kors, who is on a roll tonight, thinks Jonathan's jacket is like a disco straight jacket, and that the print looks like a dirty tablecloth, with food stains. Wow. Jonathan talks back and says that the tablecloth comment is preposterous. I like when the designers stick up for themselves! Nina says it is a total disaster, like the pleat in the back, and she sees sadness in the dress.

Bitchback time: Anthony always has an excuse, and the same silhouette. He just decorates basic forms. Mila took the easy route. Jonathan's look was a total car crash. It's too conceptual and weird. Seth Aaron's look is polished, and he is always full of ideas. Heidi loves Emilio's dress. Kors thinks it's a versatile design. Maya's side silhouette is dramatic, and Heidi thinks she did the best print. I hope she wins.

Emilio is the winner, and Maya looks pained. She totally deserved it. Mila, of course, is in, saved from the bottom yet again. Anthony is...out. Shocker. Once again, the designer with the ugliest dress is safe. What the auf??

Anthony is joyful in defeat. Tim says he hopes Anthony is proud. He seems helpful. Oh, I WILL toss one back for you, Anthony.

Next on: design for an opinionated, headstrong celebrity.

Aufwiedersehen, Anthony from Alabama!

"Takin' it to the Streets"

This episode is entitled "Takin' it to the streets" (apostrophe to denote the removal of the g, y'all), and I can't help but think of this Michael McDonald classic.

Amy seems poised and wants to step up her game (no more hair bowls!), while Maya is jealous she is the only one left who hasn't won a challenge. Maya likes being pensive on that windowsill. Perhaps reflecting on the fact that only half the designers are left?

Heidi announces that this challenge will put the designers in a "New York state of mind". They meet Tim Gunn in the workroom, and we learn that it' a Collier Strong challenge, he of the L'oreal Paris makeup folks. This is Collier Strong (roughly). The challenge is to create a look inspired by an iconic New York neighborhood: choices are Chinatown, the East Village, the Upper East Side, and Harlem, and Chinatown, really? I can't remember the last Chinatown-inspired fashion craze, but maybe that's cause I see some fugly knockoffs on sale in Chinatown here in San Francisco. There is also potential for mucho drama because this is a team challenge! Emilio doesn't want Mila (interesting, I don't think anyone wants to work with him). Each team must create 2 looks, day and evening. Team leaders are drawn from a velvet bag. Anthony is picked and chooses Maya; Amy is picked and chooses Jonathan; Emilio is picked and craftily chooses to work with Seth Aaron, which means that team leader Jay is...working with Mila. I know in the early episodes she was touted as the Season 7 ice queen, but she really doesn't seem that bad to me. A little frosty, but far from Emilio's full-on bad attitude. But wait, she doesn't like Jay? Mila and Jay have the East Village, Amy and Jonathan have the Upper East Side, Seth and Emilio have Harlem, and Anthony and Maya pick Chinatown.

Emilio and Seth travel to Harlem, and Seth is bummed not to see any black leather. He instead finds churches, liquor, and fried chicken. The pair, Team Sethilio, see denim everywhere. Emilio boasts of having lived in the neighborhood. Did he walk around in that twee little hat? In Chinatown, Anthony is wowed by sights he's never seen down in Georgia, like duck roasted on a spit. The two, code name Anthaya, are struck by the structure of buildings, and the abundance of red. Maya appreciates Anthony's silliness, as do the residents of Chinatown, I'm sure, who have never seen a fabulous Georgian like him on their streets. On the Upper East Side, Amy and Jonathan- Amythan- see lotsa luxury, and stark, gray architecture. They also notice how empty and quiet the streets are- I remember this when I walked around the area near the Met a few years ago when in New York. Wealthy neighborhoods tend to be kind of boring. They find inspiration in the brick of an old church, and wrought iron for their evening look, settling on a shirt dress for the day look. In the East Village, Mila and Jay- Jayila, if you will- are drawn to graffiti, and Mila likes the grittiness of the neighborhood. Jay just seethes.

At Mood, Tim warns everyone to make no assumptions that the team leader will go home.

We also see Anthony is submitting to Maya's whims, and he whines about this, but hey A-Dub, you're passive and she knows you won't put up a fight. Jonathan and Amy are perfect together.

Anthaya, the meek yet sassy two-headed designer, is designing a dress with a 3-d diamond detail inspired by the tissue paper dragons they saw in Chinatown. Seth is a fast worker, and doesn't sketch everything. Meanwhile, over in Silently Fuming Corner, Jay and Mila are not talking. Amythan are both in awe of each other's awesomeness, and note that they are both texture and volume people. L'oreal's mascara-hawking shiny-domed makeup artist, Collier Strong, saunters in for blatant promotion time. Um, how about more designing please!

Tim time: he consults with Seth and Emilio regarding the Harlem look, and he actually said, about the neighborhood, "colorful, isn't it?". I suppose..you can fill in the blank, cause I won't. Jay is making pants that pouf out and a stripe top. Yeah, vertical lines and puffy pants are so flattering for a woman's body. Tim senses that. He also thinks Jonathan and Amy might be over-designing. So true. The Tim Gunn look of concern is the death knell, when not heeded...

This is the part of the show where the designers dish about the other designers. Anthony, for one, thinks that Anthony is running into problems with the design shapes. Jay mutters under his breath to his model about Mila, with Mila about 3 inches away. Crafty. His pants are looking eerily like Ben's last week, in that they highlight and accentuate the crotch. Seth is pretty badass- he tries the jacket on his model, snaps off the sleeves, and boom, he's done. Emilio is lispy and reveling in Team Jayila's silent but deadly dysfunction. Jonathan is struggling with time. I think his peach dress is looking great, but he thinks they're phuct.

Daniel Sunjata, who is an unknown but way hot actor, stars in Patricia Cornwell's "At Risk". Also appearing: Diahann Carroll. Also, the star of this all-time greatest movie moment (with subtitles in Chinese, you're welcome).

Morning at Atlas: Jonathan is wearing orange petal pushers in his room and is crouched in the fetal position, looking forlorn. He looks like he's been traumatized by the ambition of his design. Anthony and Maya are doing all black. Anthony interviews that he thinks his daytime look could veer into grandmama territory, and yep, he hit that nail on the head. Most of his designs could be described as grandmama territory, actually. Makeup and hair montage! Brushes! Eye shadow! Round brushes! Jay knows that Mila will throw him under the bus. Or will she?

I can't wait for this runway show. Filling in for Michael Kors' black blazer and receding hairline is Francisco Costa of Calvin Klein. Guest judge is model Molly Sims.

Anthony and Maya's day look consists of a cool skirt with red slits, and a shimmery gold jacket. It's all very well-styled. Anthony's short dress is cool, although I can't decide whether the diamonds look like legos or origami.

Jay made gray jodhpurs with hip pleating, and his black and red tank is both a bore and poorly made. I am not a fan of jodhpurs and I hope the judges aren't either. Mila's design is so ugly! It is not East Village; the jacket has too many lines, it clashes with the gold pattern on the skirt, and the red tights are very schoolgirl. I don't get it at all.

I actually really like the peach and black color palette that Amy used, and the shirt dress has a spring look, but is a bit...grandmama territory. Jonathan's dress is an over-designed mess. Man, this is strike three for the blond Amazonian model. First Emilio's string bikini, then Amy's hair scoop, now this overwrought mess. Is she bad luck?

Seth (who has done some overwrought designs in his day), has produced a look that is ghetto fabulous. He is a true talent. He's got the fun, above the elbow cuffs on the jean jacket, a cool floral pattern underneath, but Emilio's dress looks hard to walk in, and I really don't get the connection to Harlem. Billie Holiday? Yawn.

Jay and Mila and Amy and Jonathan have the lowest scores. But first, Seth and Emilio and Maya and Anthony are the high scorers. Up close, we see that Seth's denim outfit has gold trim, as does the black evening dress. Anthony announces that in Chinatown, he was sidetracked by ducks roasting in the windows, and this makes everyone laugh. Nina loves the red in the skirt matching the red in the model's lips, as well as the pagoda influence on the jacket.

And now for the downer clothes. Amy and Jonathan face the firing squad. Nina's problem with the daywear is that it doesn't look polished. She also thinks the shirt is an eyesore. Sheesh, was it that bad? They actually like Jonathan's over-stenciled mess, except for the panels. Nina, still wondering where she must have left her eyeglasses today, loves Mila's nighttime look. Gulp. She does hate the day look. Of course Heidi has the boobcentric comment: the model's boobs look bad. Molly Sims pipes in and says the tank tanked. Way to go, Molly. Mila and Jay nearly gave themselves hernias talking about how "well" they worked together.

Judging: the consent is that Amy gets caught up in the technical side of things, and her outfit looks more Lower East Side. Jay's tank was ill-fitting, and the pants were overworked. The judges also astutely note that it seemed like Mila was the team leader. Meanwhile, Anthony and Maya's Chinatown looks were subtle and sophisticated. Emilio and Seth had great attitude, and the zippers made the two looks connect. Empress Nina seems to really like Emilio for some reason.

Emilio and Seth BOTH win, a Project Runway first. Anthony and Maya, of course, are in. Mila and Jonathan are then safe, leaving Jay and Amy. Amy is....out. Ah, third strike on Project Runway, and you're out. Poor Jonathan is weepy. Tim seems disappointed and tells her she's incredibly talented.

Next on: something all designers want but few get to do. What a teaser...

Aufwiedersehen, Manhattanites!

"The Elements of Fashion"

Jesse "Cap'n Jack Sparrow" Lenoir is back in Ohio, and Emilio is rolling out of bed in his Atlas apartment. Sigh! Jonathan applies a lovely red lipstick while Emilio claims to have learned his lesson. Lucky break, my jaunty hat-wearing friend. No more slutty bikinis! Maya and Mila pensively gaze out of their window, and Mila admits that she thinks Maya is awesome. It's like a bromance, but you know, with chicks. The dudes bond some more, and then it's off to the runway.

Heidi, wearing a funky one-shoulder dress, announces that there is no more immunity for winners. The designers are dispatched to the roof of the Atlas apartments to channel "natural creativity". Philip Carrion, a hairstylist for Garnier, is with Tim Gunn, and I fear one of those hairstyle-inspired challenges. Who decides what they're gonna wear based on their hair, really? Not me and my ponytails, that's for sure. Well, it turns out, the designers must design a look based on one of the four elements: earth, air, fire, and water. Please please please say one of my favorite bands of all time is involved! Please design a new look for their backup dancers! Alas, I fear that this challenge is an hour-long plug for Garnier. Of course there is a significant hair design element. Jay picks air. Cause he won the last challenge and he got first dibs on an element. Element lotto! It's pure chance- each designer draws an element, and that's that. Anthony's on fire, naturally. Seth associates air with happy blue shit, so he's peeved.

Sketching: Ben thinks of sharks for water, so he's doing a suit with extreme tailoring. Why were the extreme guys from "Harold and Kumar" never into extreeeeeeme tailoring along with their extreme Doritos? First ten minutes of the show and already I've free-associated with one of my favorite bands and favorite movies of all time. As you can see, I have EXTREMEly good taste! Moving on: Emilio wants to complement the skin of his African-American model and do, surprise, a short dress- real original, E-dog. Maya wants to do serene sirens emerging from the ocean. Jonathan is creating textiles to create texture in order to create opacity. It looks more promising than it sounds. Although I have to say, I couldn't tell you at this point what his design aesthetic is. Can you? Jay is doing a wind-swept tornado look for air. I see lots of hair spray in his future. Anthony is doing gray for fire? No, he states that someone burned his pastor's house to the ground, so he's going with gray for ashes. Out-of-the-box thinking for sure.

Back to the workroom after Mood. Seth is using the midnight air in New York as his muse. Happy blue shit it is not. Amy has fire, and is envisioning an explosion in the middle of her structure. Several designers remark on the pressure building now that fewer designers are left. Maya even notes that Anthony is surprisingly quiet. Amy is trying to handle time management- namely, constructing something she knows she can make in the time allotted. Let's see how that turns out for you, Amy...Ben is taking a gamble by attempting to do a suit in a day. Jonathan comments that he is sick of being safe, and that when he did take a chance, he ended up in the bottom two. He seems overconfident. As I said, I can't describe his design aesthetic. Plus, he did a freakin butter-colored romper a few weeks back....that I think served as the inspiration for Sarah Jessica Parker's Oscar dress (Ferris Bueller seemed to like it).

They're still promoting this Clark Rockefeller movie? Sheesh, when does this thing air, July?? And where has Will of TV's "Will and Grace" been all these years?? Oh right, doing promotional ads for Vancouver, British Colombia. Along with Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds....Ryan Reynolds....

The designers consult with Philip Carrion, hairstylist extraordinaire (where does that land him on the gay dream-job totem pole?). Jonathan wants hair that's enveloped in laughter, and yes, that is this week's You Can't Make This Shit Up Moment. These poor models- I could never subject my locks to all that abuse! All the yanking and pulling and product!

Tim time: Jonathan is doing different levels and colors, and Tim thinks it's stunning. Seth is making wind at midnight. Lay off the lentils and cauliflower, Seth. Amy's concept of contained chaos has resulted in a bowl filled with hair. Tim advises, "See where it takes you", in a concerned way. Ben reveals his great white shark inspiration. Tim is worried that Ben's subtleties are not being picked up by the judges. Mila is doing mineral and metals, and it looks promising. Mila for the win? What, no consult with Anthony?

Model time. I love the blond amazon, but she must be hard to design for. What is she, 6'4"? Mila thinks Ben's trousers are bad, and oh, is she right. Problem crotch! Anthony says black is not only beautiful, it's also presidential. Love him! Mila, naturally, sees colorblocking in Anthony's textured black and gray design. I have to say, it is hard to tell what element a black dress is supposed to represent. Why no color? No blue for water or orange for fire?

It's evening in the apartments and , uh-oh, it's time for the phone call of doom. We meet Ben's husband (in Massachusetts?), whom he misses dearly. Um, maybe you'll see each other real soon?

"Amish Grace". Mennonite drama. Brought to you by Lifetime.

Morning of: Milaya the two-headed designer primps in unison. Amy seems to not be hanging with the goth clique and looks slightly left out. In the workroom, Seth is pushing it to the last second. Ben is daunted, but Jay finished early and so he's offered to help Ben. Though he has immunity, I must say, Jay rocks. Jonathan is worried for Amy's hair bubble, as he should be. Anthony is not sure why Amy is giving her model hairy titties. Can you not say titties on television? Apparently not. He goes on, "She needs some Nair up there". Teehee. Tim is worried that there are no completed garments. And, uh, has Amy put the amazon IN HEELS? Oh my.

On the runway: Guest judge is French designer Roland Mouret. The show starts:

Maya's look is ruffly and boring, actually very Anthony-esque in my opinion. I don't see water, nor do I see the pizzazz of last week's hardware design.

Jay's tornado look is cool. The hair totally matches the look, and it is indeed airy and evokes a tornado. Side note- does Jay really not like his model's hair? He keeps covering it up!

I forgot which element Ben had- water? Sharks?? I could not see it in the look. Very boring, plus the crotch was bad news.

Anthony's is still a very off the rack look, in my opinion. Plus, I don't see fire at all! So far, not too impressed.

I like Mila's asymmetrical vest, and she has definitely stepped outside her comfort zone. I'm just not sure about the turtleneck. Ick. The model does not look pleased, either.

Jonathan's look is pure joy. I think he definitely captured the spirit of the challenge, while making his model look modern and sexy.

Oh my God Anthony was right. Amy's look is a big, hairy-titted mess. It looks like it's about to fall off, and it's more about the concept than the design, which is just so-so. Sorry, what is fiery about this?

Emilio's dress is very boring to me, but I know that glow in Heidi's eyes. She likes it. I just see a drab, green tank girl dress.

Seth sends another weird creation down the runway. I don't see air at all. Total contrast from Jonathan's interpretation of the same element.

Judging time. Michael Kors thinks Mila's look is very normal, and they call her out for being a one-trick pony. Who predicted this last week? Me! The vest is interesting, the rest is not. Seth's look is leather gusting with air. The judges see things in his designs that I never do. Nina says that he is true to himself and consistent, and he gets big props from Roland Mouret. Kors thinks Maya's look is chic, although Nina is worried about her referentiality, saying it's very Nina Ricci. Amy's intention was contained chaos, but Heidi says it looks like a cat in a sling, and Kors says she's a barmaid serving her hair. Ouch! This poor model got 2 awful designs two weeks in a row! First a hot pink bikini, then a hairnet bra! Nina thinks it's weird, and when they remove the fake hair, ta-da, it looks much better. Nina says she got caught up with the concept. Like what happened with those horrid clown pants? Ben states that his inspiration was sharks. Kors says it's just an ill-fitting suit with shark teeth on the sleeve. Heidi thinks that if you don't know how to make a suit, don't make a suit. Plus, it looks like the model is wearing underwear over the pants. Jock strap pants? It's not good. Jonathan states that his inspiration was laughter, and that he wanted to play up Cerri's skin tone. Roland Mouret thinks the draping is amazing, and Cerri chimes in that she adores the dress. Jonathan says their bond is cause "pale understands pale". Love it!

Bitch-back: Roland loves Maya's the most. Looked pretty boring to me. Seth showed his tailoring skills, and Jonathan's colors were great; the dress was poetic and romantic. However, Ben's trousers were awful, and the shark teeth were bad too. Amy's look was too ambitious and too much concept. Nina wonders if she's trying too hard. Mila committed the cardinal sin of being boring. They say her look was perfect for a mall walk! Nina thinks she's lost if she's not colorblocking. SO TRUE.

One more massive plug for Garnier, and then...

Seth is in, which means...Jonathan wins. Yay! I loved it. Maya is in. Mila is in, of course, which means it's between Amy and Ben. Amy is...in. Wow. They must see real promise there. So if you give a girl pantyliner pants, you lose! Lessons learned. Aw, Ben, we hardly knew ye. Tim looks bummed.

Next week on: it's a team challenge. And tempers are lost on the runway. Can't wait!

Aufwiedersehen, elemental Project Runway watchers!

"Hard wear"

With Thursday night comes the euphoria of a night spent with Tim Gunn and the designers of Project Runway. Ah, I missed Emilio's bitchiness. And Anthony's sass. And Jonathan's awful, horrid toddler haircut. Hallo, old friends.

In the Atlas apartments, Jay is overly confident. Mila is bummed that most women have gone home. Amy and Maya and Mila are the only ones left.

Enter Heidi on the runway. You will meet with Tim and a "famous designer" and get "all the tools you need to complete your look", she says. Hmm...tools. Jonathan's weapon of choice? The scissors of doom! (the ones that cut his hair? Oh, note to self: enough about his hair.)

The designers meet Tim at...Michael Kors' store in SoHo. Ah, handbags designed for the nipped and tucked ladies of the Upper East Side. Mikey K cackles with delight as he announces the challenge: to design a look made out of materials purchased at...a hardware store. The designers are told there will be an accessory design component, too, though the accessories are pretty much not commented on, featured, judged, or otherwise highlighted during the rest of the show. At the unnamed hardware store, we learn that hardware is not cheap. Would I know this otherwise? What is a screwdriver if not a drink made with orange juice and vodka? Basically, the butch Mood is boring. Washers and uh, metal stuff is not nearly as entertaining as tumbling bolts of floral fabric. Anthony is buying mesh, Emilio is stocking up on cord and washers, Jay chooses garbage bags, and Amy is working with sandpaper.

In the workroom, we are treated to a totally awesome montage of clipping, shearing, and hammering. A very crafty montage. Jay interviews that he is not doing a dress, and the early focus on him means he will win. Sorry, it's just the Project Runway way. Jesse states that he is hoping someone else fails so he'll shine. Always a tried and true way to hew to the middle of the pack. Let's see how that strategy works for you, Lenoir...Maya is making a necklace that looks promising. We are then treated to Jonathan being sassy and making Amy crack up. He is hilarious- a middling talent as a designer, but clearly the best personality of the bunch. Emilio is doing a macrame dress, whatever that means. He might be doing an assless dress, in homage to Ping. Jay rightly smells trouble.

Back from commercial land, Ben speaks! He says his hands look like he's been attacked by an animal, on account of the copper and the hammering and stuff. Mila is, surprise, colorblocking. And going "mod". Why has Nina Gahcia not sighing every week during judging and saying, "I just wish we saw something more from you"? Next week on: Project Runway. I guarantee it.

Tim enters and remarks that he feels like he's in the armor wing of the Met. Jesse Lenoir can't just tell Tim that he is planning to skate by week after week, so he tells him his inspriration is an Elizabethan mini, and Tim thinks it looks costumey, and like something from an elementary school play. Lifetime Elementary School presents: Mother Courage: Kiddie Version- Toddlers do Brecht! Tim also wonders what's up with the use of copper by several designers. Hell, I would have gone for the pretty shiny stuff, but that's probably cause everything else in the hardware store would have left me flailing around frantically.

Then Tim consults with Emilio. He has assembled a wearable version of Connect Four, the classic board game, only with washers and hot pink string. Tim loves the faux leather pants that Jay is creating, though it looks like fit may be an issue. Maya's collar and necklace look gothic chic and awesome. "If there were ever a make it work moment, designers, this is it". Oh, you always say that, Tim. Jonathan proclaims that his look is Veronica Lake meets C3po, which is probably some retro sci-fi geek's fantasy somewhere out there. When Emilio states that his look is Valley of the Dolls 2009, and that he's switching over to a bathing suit, I figure, oh boy he's going home. Emilio says he'll have to move out of New York. It is truly looking to be among the all time worst ever in Project Runway history. When the fabric is string...ack.

Morning Two. Jesse is comforted that everyone else is struggling- which is why he's endeared himself to viewers across America (er, not). Ben is wearing hot pink harem pants- this is not emphasized, but they are loudly screaming to my eyeballs from the corner of the TV screen. Holy Magenta Aladdin pants, Batman! Tim sends in the models. I notice that there is little focus on Seth Aaron in this episode. I guess we are to assume that he is designing a spiky, black concoction per the usual. Amy's fan bodice is looking cool. The Garnier hair studio gets more air time than usual. Mila wants her model to look like a mod rock star, and I have to say, Brandise is the perfect model. She oozes attitude- no smiles on that face, it's all fierceness.

Oh my god. The newest weepy from the Lifetime Movie Network is called...Amish Grace! Amish Grace. I need say no more. God I love this channel.

On the runway (cue ominous runway music), Nina is looking totally over it as always- perhaps wondering why she made the switch from Elle to Marie Claire, and from Bravo to Lifetime? First Lady favorite designer Isabel Toledo and jewelry designer Steven Webster are judging. To the show!

Mila's mod piece is tacky and looks like it was made of black and white Legos- actually kind of like this classic video by the White Stripes.

Jesse sent a metallic puff ball down the runway. We have a Christmas tree ornament that looks eerily similar.

Jonathan's dress looks way cool, and Cerri the model puts the fierce finish touch on it. I like the color combo, copper and black, and the geometric design. Way cool.

Anthony's look is frosty, and with a touch of lavender- pretty and feminine. Like.

Ben's dress is boring, copper, eh.

Emilio's look is a shocker. Really, there are no words. Except travesty. And I can't believe he's defending it.

Jay's design is way fucking cool. I love the transformation of those dull garbage bags- and the black belt! Though I must admit, the ruffly waist would not be flattering to most human waists.

Seth's look is weird as hell. A little too weird for me. Meet Frauhlein Robot Von Sci-Fi.

Amy's fan bodice turned out awesome. I also love the coffee colors; she's created a lovely, textured look. So cute!

Maya has a wonderful eye for styling; the whole look is awesome. The mesh collar and the gold necklace is cool.

Top three: Mila, Maya, and Jay; bottom three are, predictably, Jesse, Emilio, and surprisingly for me, Anthony. The judges love Mila's paint tray liners, and think her bracelet made of a label is cool, though I admit I hadn't noticed it before. Nina wonders what happened to Emilio's look. Kors reminds me why I adore him- he thinks the "look" is a full cheesefest, and wonders if it's a bottomless moment, PLUS he thinks Emilio is bsing about wanting to differentiate himself from the others by doing a bikini. DUH. So not classy, Emilio. Michael Kors also thinks Anthony made a bad prom dress. I don't get their criticisms of his dress. Heidi is shocked that Maya's chain and dog collar is made of hardware. Meanwhile, Nina thinks Jesse has presented the Tin Man. Kors think's the dress is a Hershey kiss. Jesse likes his asymmetry, doesn't he? Kors is on a roll- it's like a dirty vacuum bag, he guffaws. Jay, we learn, has added masking tape to the Hefty bag look. Heidi, with that trademark dead stare/poker face of hers, thinks it's amazing. Isabel Toledo likes it, too.

Bitchback: Mila's was well thought out. Jay's was a transformation, and he made a luxury product, while Maya's pieces all stood on their own. The worst- Emilio's was a bloody disaster. Kors knows Emilio is lying about the origin of his design, and isn't afraid to say so. I used to like him, based entirely on his winning design in the first episode. His eagerness to crap on everyone else's work, the poor quality of his recent designs, and his flat out lying on this episode make me now hope for his afwiedersehen. Nina, amazingly, doesn't think it was so bad. Everyone agrees that Jesse's pouf dress has no artistry. Anthony's frock looked on sale on the rack. I disagree, but, moving on.

Jay bags his second win; his confidence is sky high now. Mila's face is frozen, and once again looks pissed that she's the runner up. Anthony's in, so that means, you're out.... Jesse. NO. Emilio is in????? What the auf? Backstage, Jesse seems pissed- so does Tim! Maybe he was eliminated cause he's a tool and this was a hardware challenge, but he did NOT deserve this. At least his model was clothed! Hmmm, still perplexed at this result.

Next on: no clue as to the challenge...but the competition heats up, this we are told.

Aufwiedersehen tool wielding Project Runway viewers!

I'm such a twit...

How do you keep an idiot busy for hours? Follow me on Twitter here: http://twitter.com/PRunwayBlog ...at the Twitter page, click on links back to this blog; get back to Twitter from here, and so on. And never leave the house again.

"A little bit of fashion"

Programming note: I tried to read over last week's post, and it took me about 20 minutes to scroll to the end. I am making a conscious effort to make these recaps shorter. Only the juiciest bits, served up weekly.

Alarms ring at the Atlas apartments, and Janeane is jumpy and nervous and self-questioning. In a blatant attempt to clothe Heidi Klum's growing brood of British-German aufspring, the challenge this week is to design a look for 5 and 6 year old girls. Some designers are excited, like Seth Aaron, who we learn has a daughter, but we also learn that kids are like kryptonite to Jonathan. Which is funny, cause his haircut is taken straight from this little guy.

Sketch time in the workroom, and Jonathan jokes (I think?) about making a kimono-sleeved romper. Jonathan really likes rompers (I actually just learned what this word means. Apparently it exists to describe hideous outfits like this). Reigning champ Anthony is nervous, because his design aesthetic normally celebrates volume, but "these little girls ain't got no booties or no breasts so I don't know how this is gonna work"! Well, I think it was this sort of light bulb moment that led to the creation of Bratz dolls. Jay, who is low-key and dead serious in his interviews, says that kids nowadays are so fashion forward. As opposed to when I was a kid, when it was all about blowing hot air on your shirt to see it change color. Those were the days! We also witness Jonathan doing a great, great Michael Kors impression. I am reminded of Santino Rice from Season 3's Tim Gunn homage. Mila is doing, surprise, color blocking. I love the footage of Mila being given the cold shoulder from past episodes. Now she's more "centered", so people are okay with her being kind of an ice queen. Seth Aaron's kid will have a punk, pink and black look. He's so brash and original and has really grown on me. I'm calling it now- I think this season's token straight guy could win the whole thing. Not since Jeffrey Sebelia has such a thing happened. The designers are suspicious that there has been no visit from Tim. Mila is nervous. Janeane weeps quietly.

The next morning, Jonathan's hair has gotten so big, that he says it's "go big or go home". His personality is really emerging, and he is a funny dude, albeit one with questionable hair and black petal pushers. Janeane, meanwhile, is like totally worried. She's married, and calls home for support from her hubby. Ah, the Project Runway call home-death knell. Uh-oh, Janeane Marie.

There is a surprise coming. Mais oui. Tim announces that the designers must design a corresponding look for their model. Of course! Now it gets good. Ha, Emilio has to translate cupcake to haute couture.

As they work on these new looks, the other designers begin betting on how long Anthony can go without talking. They literally gag him, then decorate the gag with big painted red lips. Anthony's verbosity was held in check in 14:56, record time. Ah, bloated show filler.

Tim time: he thinks Janeane is rocking a Halloween look. She like hates Halloween. And Amy's Easter-colored swatch pants could either stop the runway or be clown clothes. It's a bold move. Tim cracks a smile when he learns that Seth Aaron's daughter- who's probably named Magenta or Twickenham or something, has 200 handbags. At age 11! Tim leaves saying that He.Is.Profoundly.Wowed.

This Jill Scott Lifetime movie- brilliant or totally derivative? An emotionally charged church confrontation? Mo'nique lite? You be the judge. Thirty nine seconds of estrogen and melodrama.

The designers fit their models and send them ALL to get their hair did. Seth Aaron, like Mila, always styles a great look, I must say. Jonathan states that his strategy has been to start safe and then slowly break out of the pack. Really? So mediocrity is a strategy? Ugly-ass butter romper was designed to hew to the middle?

Random observation- the designers this season seem to switch models every week! In seasons past, they'd develop a rapport with a model over the course of the season. Now they're traded and switched like basecall cards. I'll swap ya a Gregorina for a Tiffany Amethyst, girls!

The guest judge this week is fashion designer and mom Tory Burch, proving you can be named Tory and succeed in life. On with the show!

Anthony's kid's look is okay, though very Easter, and the model looks cute- a nice magenta and a cute neckline.

I love Amy's looks- very, very bold, but she took a huge risk. Both model and kid look cute.

Ben's kid's look is really boring, but the model's blouse has a great cut and contrasting light/dark blue hues.

Seth Aaron- wow, that little girl does look stylish (watermelon pockets!). And I love the white and black, uh, color blocking on the shirt, and the pants are super cool.

I actually really like Jesse's look for once. The two designs complement each other- little Madeleine and her sexy au pair. Love the neckline and shoulders on Brunette Cameron Diaz.

Oh, Jonathan's poor, wee model. She is wearing a glorified raincoat, and Brandise the model is wearing a ball of shimmery coconut.

Maya's little girl looks super cute, but the pants on the model do not fit the crotch well. Why is this so hard? Also, that shade of yellow for the jacket is too school bus for my taste.

Mila's looks are great- colorful and whimsical for the kid, sleek and sophisticated for Cerri (yeah, I've been watching some Models of the Runway).

Emilio's designs are very Easter Sunday- no, wait, they're a baptismal gown! The pencil-thin dress on the model was well-tailored, but that lavender color is ugly.

I actually like Janeane's looks. They're not great, but real people would wear them. Orange shirt for the kid, bright pink jacket and black capris for the model. Simple, but it works.

Jay's designs are way cool. The combination of plum and black, with ruffling on the model's shirt and pocket's on the kid's look, are stylish.

Top three: Jesse, Seth Aaron, and Jay. All deserved! The judges think the skewed back on Jesse's child's dress is cool. Seth Aaron is commended for producing two strong looks, and his jacket is the best-tailored garment Kors has seen this season. Jay is told that both looks are chic, and very New York.

Bottom three: Janeane, Amy, and Jonathan. Heidi tells Janeane she made a cheap mall outfit without making the little girl in said cheap mall outfit cry. The leggings and top don't match, and the model's jacket is a home ec. project. Ouch, Heidi. Jonathan's bolero jacket is not comfortable, and is pushing into the little girl's skin; unlike Janeane, he went TOO sophisticated. Michael Kors calls his model's dress a tornado of toilet paper. Many people would not feel comfortable dissing a kid's look, but not our Micky K. He proceeds to say that Amy's kid looks like the house was on fire and she grabbed every garment in the house (enjoy thirty nine seconds of Michael Kors highlights from this season). Amy's pants are a trainwreck and circus-like. Heidi thinks it's hideous, while Tory Burch chimes in and says that she doesn't like the color palette.

Bitching time: The judges love that Jesse did a tailored wool coat, that Seth Aaron's kid's outfit has whimsy, and that Jay's pieces work great on their own. Amy was just different for different's sake, Janeane's looks appear to have been bought on mark down (a cardinal fashion sin!), and Jonathan unleashed the conceptual toilet paper twins.

Seth Aaron won and jumped for joy.

Elimination comes down to Amy and Janeane, and it's no contest. They'll save Amy for her promise. Yep, Janeane is auf'd. Nina can't stand to look at her. It's all very sad. Oh, she's sobbing. Go home, little Janeane. Go home.

Next on: hardware store. Unconventional materials challenge, yes!

Aufwiedersehen, and danke schoen for reading, little frauhlein!