Programming note: I tried to read over last week's post, and it took me about 20 minutes to scroll to the end. I am making a conscious effort to make these recaps shorter. Only the juiciest bits, served up weekly.
Alarms ring at the Atlas apartments, and Janeane is jumpy and nervous and self-questioning. In a blatant attempt to clothe Heidi Klum's growing brood of British-German aufspring, the challenge this week is to design a look for 5 and 6 year old girls. Some designers are excited, like Seth Aaron, who we learn has a daughter, but we also learn that kids are like kryptonite to Jonathan. Which is funny, cause his haircut is taken straight from this little guy.
Sketch time in the workroom, and Jonathan jokes (I think?) about making a kimono-sleeved romper. Jonathan really likes rompers (I actually just learned what this word means. Apparently it exists to describe hideous outfits like this). Reigning champ Anthony is nervous, because his design aesthetic normally celebrates volume, but "these little girls ain't got no booties or no breasts so I don't know how this is gonna work"! Well, I think it was this sort of light bulb moment that led to the creation of Bratz dolls. Jay, who is low-key and dead serious in his interviews, says that kids nowadays are so fashion forward. As opposed to when I was a kid, when it was all about blowing hot air on your shirt to see it change color. Those were the days! We also witness Jonathan doing a great, great Michael Kors impression. I am reminded of Santino Rice from Season 3's Tim Gunn homage. Mila is doing, surprise, color blocking. I love the footage of Mila being given the cold shoulder from past episodes. Now she's more "centered", so people are okay with her being kind of an ice queen. Seth Aaron's kid will have a punk, pink and black look. He's so brash and original and has really grown on me. I'm calling it now- I think this season's token straight guy could win the whole thing. Not since Jeffrey Sebelia has such a thing happened. The designers are suspicious that there has been no visit from Tim. Mila is nervous. Janeane weeps quietly.
The next morning, Jonathan's hair has gotten so big, that he says it's "go big or go home". His personality is really emerging, and he is a funny dude, albeit one with questionable hair and black petal pushers. Janeane, meanwhile, is like totally worried. She's married, and calls home for support from her hubby. Ah, the Project Runway call home-death knell. Uh-oh, Janeane Marie.
There is a surprise coming. Mais oui. Tim announces that the designers must design a corresponding look for their model. Of course! Now it gets good. Ha, Emilio has to translate cupcake to haute couture.
As they work on these new looks, the other designers begin betting on how long Anthony can go without talking. They literally gag him, then decorate the gag with big painted red lips. Anthony's verbosity was held in check in 14:56, record time. Ah, bloated show filler.
Tim time: he thinks Janeane is rocking a Halloween look. She like hates Halloween. And Amy's Easter-colored swatch pants could either stop the runway or be clown clothes. It's a bold move. Tim cracks a smile when he learns that Seth Aaron's daughter- who's probably named Magenta or Twickenham or something, has 200 handbags. At age 11! Tim leaves saying that He.Is.Profoundly.Wowed.
This Jill Scott Lifetime movie- brilliant or totally derivative? An emotionally charged church confrontation? Mo'nique lite? You be the judge. Thirty nine seconds of estrogen and melodrama.
The designers fit their models and send them ALL to get their hair did. Seth Aaron, like Mila, always styles a great look, I must say. Jonathan states that his strategy has been to start safe and then slowly break out of the pack. Really? So mediocrity is a strategy? Ugly-ass butter romper was designed to hew to the middle?
Random observation- the designers this season seem to switch models every week! In seasons past, they'd develop a rapport with a model over the course of the season. Now they're traded and switched like basecall cards. I'll swap ya a Gregorina for a Tiffany Amethyst, girls!
The guest judge this week is fashion designer and mom Tory Burch, proving you can be named Tory and succeed in life. On with the show!
Anthony's kid's look is okay, though very Easter, and the model looks cute- a nice magenta and a cute neckline.
I love Amy's looks- very, very bold, but she took a huge risk. Both model and kid look cute.
Ben's kid's look is really boring, but the model's blouse has a great cut and contrasting light/dark blue hues.
Seth Aaron- wow, that little girl does look stylish (watermelon pockets!). And I love the white and black, uh, color blocking on the shirt, and the pants are super cool.
I actually really like Jesse's look for once. The two designs complement each other- little Madeleine and her sexy au pair. Love the neckline and shoulders on Brunette Cameron Diaz.
Oh, Jonathan's poor, wee model. She is wearing a glorified raincoat, and Brandise the model is wearing a ball of shimmery coconut.
Maya's little girl looks super cute, but the pants on the model do not fit the crotch well. Why is this so hard? Also, that shade of yellow for the jacket is too school bus for my taste.
Mila's looks are great- colorful and whimsical for the kid, sleek and sophisticated for Cerri (yeah, I've been watching some Models of the Runway).
Emilio's designs are very Easter Sunday- no, wait, they're a baptismal gown! The pencil-thin dress on the model was well-tailored, but that lavender color is ugly.
I actually like Janeane's looks. They're not great, but real people would wear them. Orange shirt for the kid, bright pink jacket and black capris for the model. Simple, but it works.
Jay's designs are way cool. The combination of plum and black, with ruffling on the model's shirt and pocket's on the kid's look, are stylish.
Top three: Jesse, Seth Aaron, and Jay. All deserved! The judges think the skewed back on Jesse's child's dress is cool. Seth Aaron is commended for producing two strong looks, and his jacket is the best-tailored garment Kors has seen this season. Jay is told that both looks are chic, and very New York.
Bottom three: Janeane, Amy, and Jonathan. Heidi tells Janeane she made a cheap mall outfit without making the little girl in said cheap mall outfit cry. The leggings and top don't match, and the model's jacket is a home ec. project. Ouch, Heidi. Jonathan's bolero jacket is not comfortable, and is pushing into the little girl's skin; unlike Janeane, he went TOO sophisticated. Michael Kors calls his model's dress a tornado of toilet paper. Many people would not feel comfortable dissing a kid's look, but not our Micky K. He proceeds to say that Amy's kid looks like the house was on fire and she grabbed every garment in the house (enjoy thirty nine seconds of Michael Kors highlights from this season). Amy's pants are a trainwreck and circus-like. Heidi thinks it's hideous, while Tory Burch chimes in and says that she doesn't like the color palette.
Bitching time: The judges love that Jesse did a tailored wool coat, that Seth Aaron's kid's outfit has whimsy, and that Jay's pieces work great on their own. Amy was just different for different's sake, Janeane's looks appear to have been bought on mark down (a cardinal fashion sin!), and Jonathan unleashed the conceptual toilet paper twins.
Seth Aaron won and jumped for joy.
Elimination comes down to Amy and Janeane, and it's no contest. They'll save Amy for her promise. Yep, Janeane is auf'd. Nina can't stand to look at her. It's all very sad. Oh, she's sobbing. Go home, little Janeane. Go home.
Next on: hardware store. Unconventional materials challenge, yes!
Aufwiedersehen, and danke schoen for reading, little frauhlein!
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