The Highs and Lows of Fashion

Before starting, a couple of programming notes:

This post was delayed due to a hard drive crash that left me computer-less for a few days. This is being typed out on a spanking new Mac, and all is now right with the world. Second, this blog is a work in progress. I'd like to try using more pictures, but I've had trouble resizing them, and if they're not resized, the posts look like a series of enormous image files. For this reason I'm sticking with links; also, I'm heeding Tim's advice and using my editing eye and will try to shorten these posts. I appreciate the feedback, and will try to make this blog less text-heavy in the future.

It is morning in the men's dorm, and a few dudes are dissing Jesusito. When someone mentions Jesus doing "the Ping" (she's a verb now), Emilio groggily says, "Don't mention her, it's too early". Another episode of Project Runway has begun, and it's an early A.M. bitchfest. I expect nothing less.

Tim brings the designers to the Met, which means that this challenge should be good. The challenge is to create a high-end signature look worthy of a master collection, and take inspiration from some classic designs by the likes of Dior, Balenciaga, and Yves Saint Laurent. The designers are given the highest ever budget in PRunway history, $500, and 2 days to work...in teams.

Team leaders are chosen, and among them is Ping (v., to ping), who says that she is a good leader because she is very good at delegating work and giving instructions. Somehow I suspect that this won't be the case.

The following designers pair up: Jay and May (Jaya), Jesus and Amy (Jesumy), Anthony and Seth Aaron (ASA), Janeane and Ben (Benneane), Mila and Jonathan (Milothan), Ping and Jesse (Team Conflict), and lastly, Emilio chooses to work with Anna, creating Team Annilio. My early money is on Annilio to create something flirty and feminine and beautiful.

As the designers inspect the classic gowns before them, Seth Aaron states that he is pleased that there are no guards or pit bulls coming between him and some vintage Dior. Only for Seth Aaron does this haute couture fantasy involve rabid dogs.

Sketching in the workroom, Ping informs Jesse that her design will combine her flowiness and his tailored look. This is the first of many times during this hour that I feel both nervous and excited to see what this train wreck of a dress will look like. I pop my first of many Tootsie Roll minis in anticipation.

Hold onto your Singer sewing machine, Janeane, we're at Moooood! Jesse is already flipping out at Ping's unfamiliarity with fabrics and her general indecisiveness. He is informed that he will be constructing (draping?) everything.

As the designers begin working, Jesse clashes with Ping, and coins a phrase I think anyone who's ever had to work with an annoying/frustrating colleague will understand: "I feel like I'm just trying to rein in the crazy". Don't we all at times, Jesse, don't we all.

Anthony and Seth Aaron are creating a yellow, red and black concoction. I love the flamenco/Spanishness of it, but also recognize that it could veer into Tackyland very fast. Team leader Anthony says it could be "a gown for the Vice President of MacDonald's", as if this unique color motif sprouted out of nowhere. You did design this, right? And then I realize a MacDonald's-themed challenge would be awesome. Only cheese, pickles, and Egg MacMuffin wrappers can be used to design a look that will be guest judged by the Hamburgler. Are you listening, Lifetime?

Jesse and Ping are doing an origami dress (their words, not mine). In the right hands that could be cool...IN THE RIGHT HANDS.

Tim walks through the door with a mischievous look in his eyes, which is never good. All those models want their chance to walk down the runway you know, and in order to do that...they need a second look to work it. The designers must create a "look for less"....with 10% of their budget. It takes me a few moments but I realize that means...$50...and the second look must be inspired by another team's look. This is a rocking challenge.

Ping then dashes off, with the other team leaders, to buy material, and she comes back with a "hooker kind of shiny, synthetic something" (Jesse's words, not mine). He is not pleased with the working girl version of Emilio's look that Ping is about to create. I am not focusing excessively on Team Conflict; the producers are, which only makes me even more anxious to see this creation. Tootsie Roll midgie #6 is consumed. This is the contents of my stomach now.

I hate when designers slack off when they have immunity. This usually means that their days are numbered. Those who do not care what their designs really look like will be auf'd and don't deserve to win. Lazy Jay, I direct these words your way.

Jonathan is constructing both looks for Mila and is "concerned" about being the team seamstress (read: passive aggressively pissed).

Ping and Jesse continue to bicker, and according to Emilio, they're like Lucy and Ricky. "Just shut up and work", he admonishes them. Now, when he says they're like Lucy and Ricky does he mean a Chinese Ricky and a defiant, beret-wearing Lucy? Just want some 'splaining, that's all.

Tim comes in rather belatedly for his consult, and learns that Maya and Jay are having time issues, mostly because Jay has been napping in the break room. Anthony advises Seth Aaron not to act up in front of company when he disagrees with a point Anthony is making in front of Tim. Tim puffs up at the notion that he's "company".

Are Milathan working on a discarded set piece from Barbarella?

During the commercials, we see the strategy for creating a Lifetime movie: a machine cranks out formulas like: romance novel, check; dramatic beauty makeover/weight loss scene, check; star from a CBS crime procedural drama, check. Blend together and you have "Lying to be Perfect".

Another great quotable: The women get dressed in their dorm, and Anna says, "We look like we're going to a funeral. The death of our hopes and dreams". The producers choose this stuff for a reason, Anna. Please say this ain't prophetic. I nervously swallow Tootsie Roll mini #9.

Maya is peeved that Jay is slacking and leaning on his immunity. Jay, meanwhile, is turning somersaults in the break room.

Random question: Does the bluefly.com wall get rearranged for each challenge, and according to the different designs that pop up? Just wondering.

It's runway time, and the guest judge is a sloppy-haired Brit I've never heard of, Matthew Williamson. Time for the finished products:

Anthony and Seth Aaron's dress: I like the colors, but the gown itself is so..eh. Boringtown. Where I paused the DVR, Seth Aaron is making a grin-and-bear-it face, and Anthony is drawing in his breath like he's impressed by his glorious creation. I really need to watch the whole show like this.

Ick. Jesumy did a black bed ruffle with a dress of tattered black lace. What is high fashion about this? Poor baby Jesus has no taste.

I admit: Mila and Jonathan's black and white design is cool, though a bit lava lamp-esque, and I wonder, is it high fashion enough?

Janeane's look is a great work outfit, but not so high fashion in my opinion.

Emilio and Anna's look makes me gasp- it's truly elegant and immaculately constructed. This dress is something Kim Novak would wear in a Hitchcock movie (while exploring Mission San Juan Bautista, perhaps?).

I love Jaya's sea anemone on the shoulder look- Maya really knocked it out. It's got a truly old, 1930's speakeasy style. Very original.

Ping and Jesse's dress does, in fact, manage to look both tailored and flowy. And ugly. Ah well, you can't have it all.

I'll skip over the looks for less for now, and head to judge's panel. Mila and Jonathan plus Jay and Maya have the top designs, and, surprise, Anthony and Seth Aaron plus Ping and Jesse have the worst designs. I'm a little bummed that Annilio's dress didn't score higher, but moving on:

Heidi loves Maya's dress- it has passed the 'Would Heidi Wear This' test. She also loves Mila's look, and is glad that it broke the mold by having separates and not being a dress like every other one. Nina thinks Ping's dress is just fabric wrapped around a model. Very true. Kors notes that the model has to stand like the Statue of Liberty to wear it. Jesse is fighting for his life, and brings the claws out: he says that in addition to constructing both looks, he had to give sewing lessons. Is he going there? Yes, he is. Then, the model for the second look calls Ping out and says she was never even fitted. Ouch.

Michael Kors thinks Anthony's gown is a cotillion in the South from hell; furthermore, it's costumey AND Gone with the Wind. Uh, if it were a real Gone with the Wind dress, it would look more like this. Nina thinks they're both really ugly, and Seth Aaron classily stands behind the design.

Fast forward to the finale. Heidi hints about 30 times that more than one designer could be going home. Mila is the winner, leaving just Anthony and Ping. Anthony is.....in, meaning Ping is out, at long last.

However, the entertainment value of the show just went down a bit, and Ping is so tearful during the goodbye that I feel sad for our Chinese physical therapist turned designer. How do you say aufwiedersehen in Mandarin?

Next week on: a challenge designing for real women?

Aufwiedersehen, PRunway fans, till next Thursday!

"The Fashion Farm"

Previously, on Project Runway:
There's a mad dash for fabric/"I'm gonna do my own thing/"It looks like a Hershey Bar"
Ok, last week I started watching on a slight delay, so I missed the opening credits and the "Johnny, tell them what they'll win!" parts of the show. I see that one of our dude designers announces that his scissors are "his weapon of choice". Oh, such a badass. Also, among the usual winnings is an HP technology/design suite. No more free car?
And it's morning in the Atlas apartments. Emilio and Jesus are bunking together in Cuarto Latino: El Talentoso y el Ostentoso, as Jesus announces that he is stepping up his game (and by this he means, no more dresses that look like Hershey Bars with legs).
Over in the girls' pen, we hear that Pamela teared up as Christiane went home (oh, Pamela, you have no idea), Anna is hoping for an "eccentric" New York challenge (dressing the homeless? constructing an evening gown out of discarded MTA cards?), and Janeane like, totally wants to go to Mood. I just love hearing Tim say Moooooood.
On set, Heidi appears, announcing that the next challenge will be a little "out there", or as I hear it, auf dair. Janeane thinks this can mean only one of two things: going to the moon or a Broadway show. Yes, those are the only options imagineable. And then I begin to daydream what a moon challenge would be like...Michael Kors exclaiming, "That spacesuit gives this girl hips that she does NOT normally have. Everyone else did silver space suits, you could have really taken this to the next level, and you didn't." But I digress...
Cut to a farm, Tim Gunn looking out of his element, and models wearing size 0 potato sacks. The designers are instructed to create a party look out of a potato sack. Seth Aaron/Leatherfaced Stephan Jenkins thinks the more odd the challenges, the better. Oh, S.A., you oddball you. I'm still shocked by how well your zipper monstrosity did last week.
Oh, there's more...the models will be wearing their looks to an industry event...and the models will be choosing their designer. Ooh, the tables have turned! This is unsettling for Janeane. "In addition to designing, you have to be wanted". Well, that is the point, Janeane. Somewhere along the line someone has to pay you money to design your clothes. That is how it works.
Jay is picked first and flips out, then performs a muddy backflip, followed by Jesus (hey, it's just a hop skip and a jump from burlap to croc skin). Incredibly, Ping's model has a death wish and chooses her again. Maybe she liked galumping down the runway in Pavarotti's bed linens? There is high drama when model #4K7YT63 switches from Mila to Anthony. I guess sass trumps ability for some models. Mila is perplexed, and PISSED. Janeane is chosen second to last- had she been chosen last things would have gotten real ugly real fast- so Mila is the last kid picked to play dodgeball. She wonders aloud if she is chopped liver. Nothing stings harder than rejection by a 17 year-old model.
The designers then have their choice of farmstand materials, which includes ribbons, horse hair, and buttons. Ping states that she just wants to make an interesting, simple garment. We shall see about that, P-Dub. Mila turns chopped liver into...chopped liver lemonade (citrus AND iron) and discovers that she and her new model have the same taste.
Anthony begins to sweat like a Baptist preacher as he discovers that he has a "verbal" client with many demands. Anthony, hon, you better thank your lucky, ghetto stars this girl wanted you. Make it work!
The designers are in the workrooms and busy "sketching" with their chubby, new HP styluses (stylusi?). Maya, who is still a blank for me and has gotten little air time, thinks it will be a problem trying to make burlap look expensive. Maya, meet understatement. Understatement, Maya. I have a feeling Seth Aaron (Native American name: Two Names) is gonna try to keep it rough around the edges, literally. Ha!
Emilio is glad to have immunity, since burlap is "as old as Moses". Yes, I believe he was floated down the Nile in burlap, right? I don't know, my knowledge of Moses is based entirely on old Charlton Heston biblical epics.
Jesus is using reams of ribbon, and I don't know about Jesus, but I sense a hot mess coming.
A designer whose name I cannot remember for the life of me- Billy? Bronzey? Bob? Burlap? - is designing a tulip/vagina dress. This tulip could either be awesome, or hideous.
Mila is massively questioning everything now, and is focusing the stink eye on Anthony like a laser beam. "It's her loss", she says of the Model Who Got Away. I just got a shiver. Do we have an early candidate for Season 7 cast bitch? Our first moment of drama this season! And another reason to keep Anthony around, questionable taste aside. Anthony announces that Mila can kiss the collective ass of the Williams clan. Oh, what hath this model wrought?
First commercial break...an ad for a certain online dating site. Oh, the first date with someone from that site is never like in the ads, where both people look attractive, well-dressed, and giggle nervously and feed each other lobster and lamb over a candlelit dinner. It's more like, you size each other up to see how much (or how little) you resemble the profile photo, and then proceed to make awkward small talk for an hour or so over Peet's coffee. That's all.
Back to the show: One of my favorite aspects of Project Runway: the sewing montage. Nothing says pulse-punding like a needle pulling thread. Anna is doing a potato print, thinking out of the box (out of the sack?).
Tim consults with Pamela, and he worries that a one-piece will be logistically harder than a two-piece. When Tim is worried, you should be worried. Whereas Mila shows that, when in doubt, use duct tape (yeah, there's an image for that). Jay has flabbergasted Tim by his insistence on using tulle. And I just rewound that 5 times on my DVR to see Tim's flabbergasted face. When you flabbergast Tim, you in trouble (oh, but are you?). Tim announces that he's just glad that he's not in Jay's shoes. Cause then he'd be wearing open toed sandals with a suit?
Ping is intriguing to Tim, intriguing to me, and reminds me more and more of a Chinese Yoko Ono. However, her skirt is crotch-tastic. Her model will be tip-toeing and hunched over and making no false movements on the runway. Two Names is very amused.
Amy is dip dyeing her burlap, and has an open back. Amy's model wants something different, but Amy knows where it's at: forget the model, you are designing for Nina Gahcia!
Jesus is working on a fitted skirt, and that burlap is disappearing, becoming a ribbon skirt. I think I may have earned a patch for something like this when I was a Brownie and selling Tagalongs door to door. Tim thinks that he has "skirted the challenge". Oh Tim, you so witty! The other designers begin looking over at the exchange between Tim and Jesus. They smell blood in the water. He announces, "I have to be Jesus". All hail Hay-seuss!
Tim Gunn implores them to make it work, and Seth Aaron makes another funny face and rolls his eyes. I'm sorry, this dude kinda creeps me out. Jerk alert.
The models come in, and Ping tells hers that "I have to make sure your buttocks are covered." Burlap butt flaps- don't leave home without them! Seth Aaron rightly concludes that ping's lack of construction experience is scary. Shit, how do you think the poor model feels?
A word from me to Hay-seuss. Jesus, dude, you were almost eliminated on the first challenge. Both Tim and your model don't like the overly ribboned look. I get it, stubbornness is what we Mexicans do best, and don't you try to convince us otherwise. And yet...you're 21, mijo. And you're no Christian Siriano. Listen, listen, listen.
Anthony got saddled with a difficult client. Ha! Who's fuming in the corner now, Mila. She says that she is blessed to have her model dis her. Oh, you are so not over it, Mila.
Jay's dye job has unexpectedly gone navy, and we get our first extended bleeeeeeep of the season. It is midnight, and he is half done. Eek.
Ad time: "The Wicked Awesome Pregnancy Pact", featuring a gaggle of pregnant 13 year olds, Camryn Manheim, perhaps the most famous graduate of my alma mater, UC Santa Cruz, and Thora Birch, last seen as Kevin Spacey's moody daughter a zillion years ago. What would washed-up actors of the 90's do without Lifetime movies of the week?
Back to: Pamela doesn't want to be one of those people that sews the model into her dress. Just wait, hon, just wait. Jesus is my candidate for getting aufed this week, while Jonathan is having a boots or shoes, shoes or boots crisis at the Bluefly accessory wall.
Jay is freaking out and just wants to finish. Now, that is where Emilio was last week, and he made it work. But he had a great design to start with, and it didn't change color midway through.
I am eating up this extra, bonus sewing montage. Sew, designers, sew! Tim plugs the sponsors, like Garnier Fructis.
Ben's dress (got it, his name is Ben) is simple and pretty. There is panic all around. Jonathan announces that Ping's garment is not functional, in that it doesn't cover her ass. Yeah, somehow I don't think this is what the model asked for. Ping is smiling, and says something about, "Your hips make it move". Yes, but is it heinous and wrong.
Mascara, blush, hairspray, curlers.
More designer on designer bitching: Anthony thinks Pamela's garment looks huge in the butt, and he is right. Why are the designers having major ass-related issues? Is it the models? The ass-less mannequins? Is burlap an unforgiving fabric for butts? I imagine it is in terms of chafing. Ouch.
Janeane is having zipper issues. Jay, who is running around like a chicken with his head cut off, notes that everyone is running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
Grab those shoes and GO!
Commercial corner: We learn that this episode is brought to you by Sarah Marshall (is it just me, or do all these blonde actresses look the same?)and Mr. Fergie. This new "When in Rome" movie looks all kinds of lame. For one thing, from what I gather from the ads, this girl has 5 dudes fall in love with her in Rome, and NONE of them are dark, handsome Italian men? Boo. It doesn't get more corn-fed and All-American than Josh Duhamel. Dude's from North Dakota.
Back: on the runway. Our judges are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and a 60-something Anna Paquin (ok, former it-girl Lauren Hutton).
Anthony's dress is a lovely wine color, and is slightly elegant, though on the short side. Big Improvement.
Ping's booty dress comes out...and only now she realizes what's wrong with it? This simply must be seen to be believed. Seth Aaron stifles a guffaw, and Heidi tries to get a glimpse of the asche.
Ben's dress has that same red of Anthony's, but the model looks pregnant. Not too flattering.
Mila's dress is metallic, gray and shiny, lowcut, def a nightclub dress. It is modern and very cool.
So far I'm loving Anna's romantic, feminine designs. They are very distinctive. She could be an under the radar threat.
Jesse the pirate gave his model a lovely equestrian outfit, complete with jhodpurs. Although he gets points for being the only one to do pants, it still looks too burlappy to me.
Seth Aaron: I think the judges will like this, but I also think her skirt looks like a lampshade, and the hood makes her look like she's wearing a hazmat suit. Plus, the model looks like the girl from George Michael's Father Figure video. Not a plus or a minus, just an observation.
Amy's dress is beyond great; it looks like it came from a burlap sack, but made elegant and feminine. The model looks fierce.
Janeane worked it out with this challenge. So, working with regular old materials tripped her up, but the burlap challenge let her shine in this elegant burgundy and gray dress?
Jay's dress is a little short, but it looks like he really pulled it off.
Emilio's aesthetic as a designer is very evident after only challenges. His look is similar to last week, yet more elegant. I love the pencil skirt, and it all looks immaculately constructed.
Jesus' dress is ill-fitting on the top, and looks otherwise like something you'd see on sale at JC Penny.
Jonathan produced a sexy dress with black lace down the front. He is right, it is different from what everyone else did.
Maya sends down the piñata from my 9th birthday party. Ruffles of brown, red and yellow make this a lovely mardi gras float . Ick.
Pamela's dress: This indeed looks denim. But with the lacing in the back, she also looks like a hostess at the Howdy Ho saloon (which I think is somewhere in El Paso). Ill-fitting, tacky and boring, this dress is a triple threat of horrid.
Time for judging...time. They all like Jay's feminine look, and the patterns. Paquin likes it, though Pamela's dress is too short, too tight, and not sophisticated. MK thinks a plain potato sack would be more flattering on her. Ouch.
Mila's dress is futuristic, and Heidi, oh Heidi, likes that you can kinda "see da booby." Garcia says she brought it from the farm to the future.
Ping springs forth some verbal diarrhea about how she thought the model's skin color would contrast with the shape of the dress. They'll notice you for the wrong reasons, cries Kors! (unless you want your butt crack to get a lot of attention).
Jesus, man, you shoulda listened to Tim Gunn! Heidi doesn't like the ribboning over of the burlap, and also suspects that he skirted the challenge. Lauren Hutton thinks it's a confusing assault on the eye.
Amy went for an organic look, and they love it. Kors loves that she really used the fabric and made it flirty.
During judges' powwow, Jay is praised for his transformation. The judges see lots of work, and think it is heaviness made light. Kors declares that Jesus made his model's ass look asymmetrical, with one big cheek and one small cheek. This has truly been a butt-centric episode of Project Runway. They think that Ping doesn't listen, and wonder if they even want to see more. With Pamela, her creativity is questioned, and the judges are amazed that she made the model look bigger. The ever-witty Kors says that her seam was like an arrow saying, I want to have a big butt. You other brothers can't deny.
Jay wins. Wow. I thought it was a cute dress, but the best?
He must be well-liked, because everyone else jumps for joy when he announces his win.
Ping proves that you can send a dress down the runway that looks like an ass-revealing cardboard box and not be eliminated.
It's down to the questionable taste of Pamela and Jesus...and Jesus is IN. Wow. Once again: you can send a girl on the runway with her butt catching a slight breeze, but make her hips look big and you're out? Good to know.
Next week: the first team challenge. Yay! Aufwiedersehen until next week!

"Back to New York"

In which your intrepid blogger discovers that her "taste" in fashion varies wildly from that of the judging quartet of Project Runway. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. First...
It's New York! Taxis! Skyscrapers! My DVR got a tad ahead of itself, so my episode begins with footage of...
a pre-menopausal Stephan Jenkins. Wow, the years have really not been good to the front man of Third Eye Blind. He has now turned to edgy fashion design. Is this our token punk designer, a la Stella Zotis of Season 4?
We then meet Janeane, a soft-spoken Portlander, whose designs seem elegant and feminine and...aaaaaack! Is she crying? She hasn't sewn a stitch yet and she's crying? Andrae alert...
In walks a former physical therapist with a bad, bad bowl cut, followed by Ping Wu, who, remarkably, has even worse hair, a combo rat tail/feathery, wispy bowl. Her designs are very flowy and avant-garde.
And then we meet Anthony Williams, the star of every promo you've seen for this season of Project Runway. Yes, it is in fact hard being black and gay in the ghetto. Of Birmingham, Alabama. I'd love to see more of Anthony, but his designs look a little on the tacky side.
Enter Jay, with a lovely, golden brown tan, and Pamela Ptak, a 47 year old former advertising exec from the Philly suburbs. From the designs shown, I have to say, I think I have my pick for early front-runner. Reminiscent of Laura Bennett of Season 2.
Young Anna Young enters, and our twee friend from the Pacific Northwest, Janeane, tears up again! This is crying jag #2 for those of you keeping count at home.
We then meet a Disneyland pirate who designs prom dresses. I give Jack Sparrow three episodes.
Another strong contender is Mila, a costume desinger with impressive designs. I like what I see. Could this be the season of the older female designer?
In walks Maya, another designer with a punk aesthetic and bangs for days.
Christiane from the Ivory Coast, Amy from Oakland, Jesus from San Diego, and Emilio are the last to make their entrances. Emilio and Jesus hablan el español, ya tú sabes.
The designers receive a note from Heidi. Champagne party on the rooftop!
Magicially, Heidi appears to still be pregnant, though her newborn girl is now a few months old. Ah, TV magic.
Emilio seems to be a very cool dude, and though I can't tell yet what his design aesthetic is, I'm pulling for him to go far.
We also learn that Christiane has designed red carpet looks, and Anna is a trained print-maker.
Enough socializing. Time to grab fabric in Central Park. Three minutes.
Oh, and why do I like Emilio? "We are like fat people at an open buffet in Las Vegas". Love this guy!
Tim Gunn asks the designers to select five pieces of fabric and discard the rest. Edit, edit, edit!
The designers begin sewing and cutting, and we see that some are already experiencing challenges. Um, if you can't design something that speaks to you as a designer- no gimmicks, no curveballs, the simplest challenge!- then you in trouble.
Cut to commercials for about three Lifetime movies. Ah, thank you, Lifetime, aka the Menstrual Network, for carrying Project Runway. I would miss all these promos otherwise.
Return to the workroom, and we see that the designers have high-tech HP notebooks to work with now. Project Runway is all about the product placement. Isn't that right, Bluefly.com accessory wall?
Leather-faced Stephan Jenkins reminds us that he's punk. "I'm going in your face".
Crybaby is working on a cocktail dress with cap sleeves. So far, so good.
A montage of the designers busy at work, and I have to wonder: is Ping Wu this season's batshit weirdo? Will she design a baby sling in the vein of a mama chicken? Discuss.
Tim Gunn enters and is shocked to see that some designers are having issues with time. Wait till you have to make shit out of M&M wrappers, kiddos. The first challenge is always the easiest!
Ping Wu doesn't need no mannequin. She is her own model. So convenient when you're a designer who's also a size 0.
Janeane has commited the cardinal sin of choosing a fabric that puckers. She then decides to pucker her face and cry. This is crying jag #3.
Fabulous Anthony, he of the ghetto, is working on a look tailor-made for Blanche Devereaux of the Golden Girls. Yikes.
One top in eight hours, Emilio? Sheesh. You did know speed would be a factor in being a contestant on Project Runway, right?
Janeane begins weeping session #4, and we cut to....
...A commercial for The Lovely Bones, featuring Mark Wahlberg in a bowl cut. I sense a trend.
Day 2, and Stephan Jenkins-aw, hell, let's call him by his real name, Seth Aaron- is still hard-core.
Janeane is having issues, and Christiane, although her dresses supposedly have been seen on the red carpet, has NO construction skills. You don't have your team of minions to sew your dresses now, Christiane!
Enter the models, and Jesus, with his off the shoulder, brown croc dress, is confident. Personally, I love it, whereas I am concerned that Anthony's only screen time will be his everpresence in all the season 7 promos, as his dress is hideous. Unless you're Rue McClanahan.
Holy crap, Emilio made it work! That purple dress looks very cute. Janeane has constructed something entirely new, though it's looking bland city, and there are major craftsmanship issues.
Time for makeup, and Seth Aaron is feeling confident. Does he know something I don't? Perhaps....
Anthony is "sweating like a Baptist preacher". A black, gay Baptist preacher in the ghetto?
Time for a commercial break, and an ad for the movie Valentine's Day, which I totally want to see. Like Love Actually, but not in London. And with Bradley Cooper.
Heidi looks fab in green and black, and we are introduced to our illustrious panel of judges. Top American fashion designer Michael Kors, looking incandescently orange, Fashion Editor for Marie Claire (major downgrade from Elle) Nina Garcia, and top Teutonic model Heidi Klum. And introducing guest judge...Nicole Ritchie. Fashion cred? Eh, I guess everyone has their own line these days.
Time for the fashion show!
Jonathan's model comes out in a boring LBD with a nice streak of green.
Seth Aaron sends out a lovely picnic basket with zippers, worn by a model paying homage to Cameron Diaz from There's Something About Mary.
I also happen to think Jesus' croc dress was fab, but as we shall see, I do not share the fashion sense of our judges. Apparently my taste is stuck in a Vegas lounge in 1972. But I digress.
Ben's dress is shimmery, blah I don't quite remember, and...
Jay's dress? Too, too much going on.
I love, love, Pamela's pink dress. Love the color, the shape, even the necklace from the Bluefly.com accessory wall. Gorgeous!
And Emilio? He totally pulled it off. Impeccable construction, cute and youthful. If I were a size 0, I would wear it (well I was a size 0...when I was 11).
I'm not loving Jesse/Jack Sparrow's dress and don't remember it...
Ping sends Christo's The Gates down the runway.
Christiane sends a lovely curtain and drape set from 1967 down the runway. Ick. Definitely bottom three.
Amy's outfit involves a cool checked skirt, and a boring white blouse.
Janeane's dress is beyond boring. But at least she has something.
Mila sends out a fabulous three piece outfit. Love it.
Fabulous Anthony has sent out a regifted baby shower gift, with a lovely bow on the side to accentuate a woman's hips. Oh my.
Maya's dress is so reminiscent of Christian and Chris' avante garde look from Season 4.
I am surprised that the judging quartet didn't think Pamela's was one of the top designs.
Anthony is told that he glued two different dresses together, and the women did not like the bow (well, duh). The fabric and silhouette are conflicting, and the dress is too short in the back.
To my enormous chagrin, the judges love Seth Aaron's zippy doo look.
And apparently I know absolutely nothing, because the designers, especially Nicole Richie, love Ping's flowing avante garde look. Huh?
Strike three for me- The judges all pile onto Jesus' croc dress. Michael Kors says it looks like a Hershey Bar. Ouch.
Christiane is in the hot seat, and deservedly so.
Emilio's dress is praised for being deceptively simple. The judges admire the weaving, the technical work, the "hanger appeal", and the full skirt.
Exit the runway, it's time for the judges to dish.
Bitchy highlights? Jesus's dress is all the clichés of glamour, with no actual glamour. Christiane's dress is unsophisticated, and Seth's dress has youthful appeal while Emilio's is fun and girly. Is Emilio taking this thing home?
Cut to an ad for that soon to be family classic, "Tooth Fairy", starring one-time action hero Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And we're back to the runway. Emilio comes away with the win. Yes! Anthony is in and he is shocked. Please shape up, Anthony. We want to see your adorable Southern personality, and much better designs.
Christiane is out, and she deserved it Oh, she is not happy. Yeah, you're the first designer eliminated on Project Runway. That can't be a good feeling.
Coming up next week...a farm challenge? The designers are in the mud. And my DVR is out.
Well, I think this is gonna be a great season. Lots of talent, colorful designers, a diverse cast and a cryer! Aufwiedersehen until next week!

Project Runway Season 7: The Essentials

Who: Tim Gunn, Heidi Klum, Nina Garcia, , and this guy. Oh, and 16 new designers

When: 10PM, every Thursday

Where: On the Lifetime Channel...and in New York City, back where it belongs

Why: Because nowhere else on television can you see creative individuals craft a dress out of car parts. Becasue this is the place for drama involving Singer sewing machines, bobby pins, and hot tranny messes. Because Project Runway needs to redeem itself after last season's soulless, L.A.-based season, in which the regular judges were often M.I.A., the challenges were beyong uninspiring, and a bitchy Christian Siriano wannabe won the whole thing. Because in fashion one day you're in, and the next day you're out. Stay tuned...